Days 47, 48, 49

It's a Saturday morning and the family is still sleeping. It's kind of nice to have the quiet house to my self. It allows me to think, and think about why I ended this week a little more on the gloomy side.

First fo all I want to mention Greg, who I never met, but heard so much about. He was the son of Diane, Zak's nanny. He died of cancer at the age of 41, leaving behind 3 beautiful young children. Life really seems unfair sometimes. I went to the memorial yesterday, and I'm sure that's part of why I feel so reflective. Kuba will be 41 in January.

But on top of that, last Friday I agreed to a two and a half hour meeting this Friday, and it's been on my mind ever since. I looked back, and I think I've only done this 3 times....so 3 times in 6 months doesn't seem that bad, but of course it's chaotic when I do it. The same day, I was pushed to rearrange another week for a meeting. This one isn't until Dec, so I have time to plan for it, but still...it means more rearranging. Luckily Dana was able to watch Zak this week, and he loves hanging out with Dana and Rowan...but it still basically meant my whole day with him was gone. I had to start out 45 minutes before the meeting to drop him off. Then when I picked him back up, it was nap time, and then I was gone again after to see Diane. I'm not sure how I felt about the outcome of the meeting itself, and so that probably hasn't helped me feel good about the compromise. Maybe the fact that also this week I had several 6am meetings, so couldn't have breakfast with the family, and worked very late Thursday (at home, but still meant my mental capacity wasn't on the family)...has contributed to me feeling like this week wasn't a great example of how to work less than full time.

But even aside from that, Zak and I didn't seem to have a great day on Tuesday either. He went to swim class, which is no longer really something we get to do together. We met Aunt Katie for lunch, which was nice. But then after, we both just seemed kind of lazy and bored. He likes to play his iPhone, which I don't mind, but this specific day, he even asked if he could just lay in bed and play with it. I think we both might have a bug still that we just can't seem to shake. Because as much as I hated the idea of him just lying in bed playing games for the afternoon...I also didn't have the energy to suggest something else, so I laid next to him and did the same thing.

One other interesting thing has happened this week at work. Remember I'm in a new group. Well, several women have just resigned. Most of them saying it was because they couldn't get the balance right...and suddenly, all eyes are on me. April, we need you to show how it's possible to make decisions like this and make it work. I guess I'm still internalizing what this really means, and feeling like if we are really focussed on one person (me), who is still only 6 months into this...then we probably do have a problem. There should be others that can also be an example. To be clear, in my whole company there certainly are examples...but we're struggling to find them in the group that I'm working in now.

Anyway, Zak does still amaze me. I do notice him becoming more and more independent, which makes me kind of sad, but of course happy too. We're still working on his room...and he has entered the phase of unending questions..."Mommy, what's this?", "It's a ladder.", "No Mommy, I know it's a ladder. What's THIS?" "Oh, sorry, it's the rung of the ladder." "Oh, the rung of the ladder? For stepping?" "Yup, for stepping." "Mommy, what's this?" "Umm, I guess it's called a brace" (the few rungs on the back side of a ladder) "Oh, a brace. For stepping?" "No, just to support the ladder so it doesn't break." "Oh, to support." And then, I felt he was testing me. He pointed to some of the trucks being painted on the wall. "Mommy, what's this?" "I think it's a crane" (but it's on the back of a truck, so I don't really know...) "No Mommy, it's a mobile crane." "And this one?" and without waiting for me to show that this one I knew, he said "this one is a steamroller." And then he went on to tell me all the different ones around the room.

He keeps trying to negotiate with me too. I've made the mistake of buying Thomas the Train toothpaste, only to realize it doesn't have any flouride in it. Unfortunately, he loves it, so almost refuses to use anything else. I've decided we can alternate every other brushing until it runs out. But every time I put the flouride toothpaste on his brush, he throws a fit. I try to tell him he's a big boy, so needs to use big boy toothpaste...he says, "No, I'm not a big boy. I'm a little boy." So then I tell him, but he has big boy teeth that are very strong and need flouride to help keep them strong. "No, my teeth aren't strong! I'm a little boy, and my teeth are not strong!" And then I hear Kuba cracking up in the other room.

One other cute one is he's gotten very good at looking out for cars when walking across the street or in a parking lot...so Thursday when we walked out of the daycare, another mom was getting into her car and he pulled me back and said "Be careful mommy! A car!" He also knows my, Kuba and his own full name, city and street! It is so cute to hear him call himself "Zachary Cielica." By the way, he also thinks Dana is "Dana Cielica." :-)

Anyway, Kuba and Zak are waking up...so guess I'll close it out for now. Remember to cherish all the time you have...life should not be taken for granted.

Days 41-46

Sorry it's been so long!!! We've had a couple of crazy weeks in the Cielica family.

Two weeks ago, I rearranged my 2 days off to be Thursday and Friday, so Zak and I could go spend a long weekend with my brothers and our niece, Maya, in St. Paul. Kuba met us there Friday after work. We had a great time going to the pool, the Zoo, biking around, and even 2x to the Minnesota State Fair. Jude and Chad kept us busy!






It was very nice to spend time there, but on the way back we must have caught some kind of bug.

We started our week back as normal, but by the end of the first day, I was called to get Zak because he had a fever, and it went down hill from there. That is one challenge of working part time, the impact on work seems magnified when one thing goes awry. Kuba and I split the days the best we could...but then on Thursday, we both woke up with 101 fevers as well...there was no way for us to get to the office, we felt so bad. The whole family spent the day in their pajamas with whoever felt the hungriest slothing out of bed to make some food ( get some crackers or some such)...whatever it was, it was pretty powerful for the day. Kuba and I recovered pretty well within 24 hours...but some symptoms still lingered for a week. Zak didn't recover so quickly, but at least by mid this week he was without a fever, so we could take him back to daycare. Thank goodness our jobs are flexible! Anyway, last week's chaos, caused this week to also be off schedule. Monday was a holiday, which meant I couldn't take Zak to daycare. Kuba and I both got a couple hours of work in just to try and catch up. Then I put Zak in school for Tues, Wed and Thurs because I just needed some solid hours in the office. By Friday I was feeling better, although I still think I need another week to fully feel in control again (and probably then Zak will catch something else at school :-) )

Anyway, we still managed some fun, but not enough given the beautiful weather we've been having :-) I tried to take some notes as we were going through it. One cute thing Zak did this week was I told him I was so happy to have him as my son. He said NO MOMMY! I'm not your son! I'm your boy! Okie dokie.

While we were in St. Paul, Uncle Chad was reading him a book, and in the book, one of the characters was very sad. Zak pointed to the picture of the sad bumble bee and said, "He's so sad. He misses his Mommy." It makes my heart tingle. This week when I picked him up from daycare one day, he said "Mommy! I was missing you all day!" I think this is a special age for him and I.

While we were sick, Zak insisted on taking my temperature every day. First he would feel my forehead and either say "Better" or "Hot again." Then he'd put the thermometer on my arm or between my toes (I don't know where he got that idea).

Here's a picture from our last day of being bums in bed...we were feeling better, but not ready to run around yet.

Oh, and here's a new one...he continues to try everything to prolong his bed time. I need to go pee pee, I need a drink, I need to kiss Tato. For his drinks, he's always trying to negotiate with me. He knows after brushing his teeth, it's water only. So he starts by asking for yogurt. "No, Zak. It's after you've brushed, you can have water." "Ok, milk." "No, not after brushing your teeth." "Ok, juice." "Zak..." Finally he settles on water...but here is his latest thing...he tries to convince me that since all the tooth paste is in his tummy, not on his teeth, that he should get yogurt anyway. He keeps saying "No! Mommy! The toothpaste is in my tummy! Not on my teeth!" His logic is interesting.

This morning as we had our first leisurely morning together, I was cleaning up a bit in the bathroom, and he was playing in my closet. He started running through my clothes saying "I'm going through the car wash!" So cool how they put things together.

Anyway, this week is going well. I've enjoyed my day so far with Zak. I can't believe he's in a swim class now without me. I just sit behind a window and watch, and realize what a big boy he's becoming.

Someone asked me this week how work was going with this part time...and I still have to say it's going very well. I always feel my calendar is a little chaotic. People try to squeeze into every 5 minutes when I'm there. But I feel very much in control of my destiny, and my time. I don't feel anything has slowed down for me in terms of career or good assignments, and it has helped me appreciate even more how life is a journey that you can control (to some extent of course.) I continue to feel very lucky!