Day 57

Zak and I stayed up way too late on Thursday night. I guess that is part of the perks of working only three days a week, you can stay up late knowing you can sleep in...unfortunately, we didn't sleep in :-)

Thursday night, we went to our first Halloween party together, at his daycare. My brother and I decided to do a group thing this year, so we are all dressing as different characters from the Wizard of Oz. It'll be great once Maya, Jude and Chad get here...but for Thursday, maybe we looked a bit random just being a wicked witch and the Tin Man (Zak.) Kuba will be a wicked tree, but I think he's still trying to mentally prepare himself for this whole thing. He found an excuse (working on the window well still in the back yard), and I decided to let him slide on it.

Zak has no idea who the tin man is, nor did he have any interest in being one. He decided he wanted to be a pumpkin. I tried to convince him he could be a tin man holding a pumpkin. Not good enough. In the end, he went, but he wasn't happy. Once we got there, he had a blast...mostly jumping in the jumping balloon for about 40 minutes. I couldn't get him out. He kept taunting me, jumping close to the opening, but not close enough that I could grab him. He finally made the mistake of getting too close, and I caught him :-) He was exhausted.

Anyway, we had a nice time, got a pumpkin, made a cookie, had some dinner...but it was late by the time we got home and got in bed. Kuba had bought Zak a big Christmas train that he had seen at Lowe's...and so had it set up for him when he got home. It's a pretty cool train, you control it by remote, but it's damn loud. It make bed time a real treat. Then, at about 6 in the morning, apparently Zak remembered his train. I hear him shuffle down the stairs, and the next thing I know, the train is going, and whistling Christmas carols. Ugh.

The morning we had a lot of errands to run, especially we needed to go pick out some stone for the window well, and then he had a swimming class. Zak was so cranky. We got the stone, but Zak was in such a state over the swim lessons, that we bailed out and went to have lunch with Aunt Katie instead.

We had a great nap together (I needed one too). After a couple hours, he woke up and asked me to hold him in the orange rocking chair, which I don't do nearly as often any more. So we rocked together, and a few minutes later, I sneezed...twice. Zak opened his eyes, but his fingers to his lips, and said "Shhh." Ooops, my bad. I sneezed again, and he got up, mumbling to himself, got some tissue, brought one over to my nose and said "Blow." Of course, he wasn't covering my nose at all, just holding a tissue up to the tip of it. "Blow!" Ok, so I did, kind of, through my laughs. Then he told me to cover my mouth, and proceeded to throw the tissue away. He was now up and we did some art projects and played with trains the rest of the afternoon :-)

The morning wasn't great, but the afternoon made up for it.

Day 54, 55 and 56

Last Tuesday was not the greatest of days. I got work calls throughout the day, making it difficult to get into any momentum with Zak. The problem is that when people from work call, it's never an easy thing to fix. I all but refuse to log in on those days, so I have to rely on others to fix the issue at hand. But then I can't let it go...I am constantly wondering how they are doing with it, wondering if I should log in to help. Ugh.

Friday was almost the same, but I just forced myself to shut down. I logged on early in the morning, planning to answer a question the president had asked to have answered by Monday. I was waiting for a last piece of information which I knew I'd have in my inbox Friday morning. I was about to hit send on the email, and then checked myself...I knew that I'd then be checking my email all day to see if he had any follow-up questions. He asked for it Monday, so I decided to wait until Monday morning and just walk over to his office with the info. I shut down the computer, and shut down from work for the next 3 days. I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER now!

Let me give a shout out now to this cool blog that my friend Dana shared with me...Single Dad Laughing. It had me laughing and crying :-) I loved reading from the guy's point of view.

Friday we had a playdate at the park with a friend, then went for lunch. I did end up having a bad headache Friday afternoon, but I laid down with Zak, and felt great 2 hours later when we woke up.

Zak's been doing a lot of role playing with his Thomas the trains. Today I heard him say "Thomas, look me in the eye." (I've been saying that a lot to him lately when he gets upset.) Then he said "Thomas gasped!" He also likes to turn on the vaporizer, and then as the steam is coming out, he puts various trains, cars or firetrucks on top of it. When you ask him what's going on, he says "they are getting a wash down."

Today we started out early doing some grocery shopping, then stopped by ToysRUs where he picked out a new train. I also bought some paints and paintbrushes, because lately he's been asking to do "art projects" together, and we ran out of the paint I had. Then we went for swimming lessons, which Zak wanted no part of. On the way to the lesson, he said, "Mommy, are you tired? Let's go take a nap together instead." He knows me very well! It was a tempting offer! I don't know why he's become anti swim lessons, since he loves the water. He says the pool is too big and he's such a little boy. I had to sit on the side of the pool, pull up my pants and stick my feet in to get him to swim. Within 5 minutes he was fine, but he had his heels dug in to get started.

Then we went to meet Sara for lunch, and then home for his nap. He slept for 2 hours in his new room. I got a lot of personal things done during that time. I really enjoy not being so busy that I don't have time to think. The last few years I have just felt like I barely have had time to even do the simple things like go to the bathroom at regular intervals, pay the bills, make dental appts. It's nice to feel a bit more in control now....

We ended the evening digging out our basement window well so we could put a new one in. I swear I don't know why we even plant grass in our backyard. Everytime it starts growing, we tear it right up again. Zak was so cute working out there for hours with Kuba over the weekend and tonight. You can see a small video here.

Day 53

Friday ended up being a great day, even though it had all the smells of being disastrous. Thursday, our president needed some data to prep for a CEO review he had on Monday. The data he needed wasn't easy to get or produce...I knew there was no physical way for the woman responsible for pulling it all together could get it done....so I had her teach me. We stayed up until about 1am getting it done. My gut told me the president would see it Friday morning, and then want more data based on new questions he'd think of. I was mentally prepping myself for having to give up my Friday....but at around 9:30, he said he had everything he needed! Maybe it was the scare of chaos, but as soon as that was confirmed, I felt a renewed energy to make sure I enjoyed the day with Zak! By the way, I have to say huge thanks to Kuba too. At 5:00, I just pinged him on the computer and said "I need help." He left work immediately to get Zak, and cancelled his tennis for the evening. It felt great to have that support from him.

I turned on some music Friday morning and started trying to get Zak to dance with me....he quickly told me to stop dancing. I don't know what he has against my dancing and singing. So then I started making crazy noises, acting like a monster. He started laughing and told me I was funny :-)

I asked him if he wanted to help me do some laundry. He thought for a minute and said, "Um, No Thank You." As I've said before, at least he's polite. We did some letter drawing for a bit on the white board...his favorite letter to draw is T (grandma showed him how to do that...) Today I was surprised that he wrote a g! He said, "Hmm, what's G for?" I offered up "Garbage." He said "How about garage door." That surprised me.

Anyway, at 10 we went up to Pump it Up with Rowan and Dana. I think I have more fun there than he does. And then we went to McDonald's...the one on Tylersville is great because it has a music playground. They can slide down a piano keyboard, beat some drums, and climb on a guitar. The boys had a lot of fun together. Zak cried when we left that he wanted to stay with Rowan.


The rest of the afternoon consisted of a nap, and then playing around outside. Our friend Jill came over to do the very final touch-ups of the room (it's done!) We hung around, had some wine, and just talked. I ended the day feeling very happy and satisfied.

Day 52

Today, and especially last night, has started out great. Zak and I have been laughing a lot, but we've had our struggles too.

The fun stuff first....a couple of cute things. Last night I went for short run. I got home, and Zak and Kuba were working together on dinner, so I snuck in for a bubble bath. I think it's the first time I've used our whirlpool bath in 3 years :-) Just as I was getting out I was thinking how strange it was to have an uninterrupted bath...and Zak came in. He said..."My turn for a bubble bath! I need a bath, I'm dirty. I'm completely covered in dirt!" Which made me burst out laughing. He was so trying to convince me how dirty he was.

We had a nice dinner together, and then Kuba left for tennis. Zak and I snuggled up in bed together and read some books. Its perfect weather for snuggling. I then even let us have some cheese in bed for dessert before we finally brushed our teeth for the real bed time.

This morning we were takling about who we should go to lunch with. We tried several people, but everyone was busy. Finally Zak said, how about just Zachary and mommy only. I am fine with that :-) We went to the grocery, and he pushed the cart the whole way. He didn't want to go to the store, he kept insisting it was closed, but once we were there, he was great.

But there have been some struggles too. Yesterday morning, he didn't want to go to the restroom before school. I asked him several times, and I knew he needed to go because he hadn't gone all night. We made the mistake once of not having him go, and he had an accident immediately when he got to school. So I forced him into the bathroom. He was so angry (I'm seeing his anger come out more these days)...he took the toilet lid....AND BIT IT! Then he told me he was very cross (he's been watching way too much Thomas the Train.) I was shocked again by his frustration. I hope it's the terrible twos a bit late.

This morning after the grocery store, we went to play on an indoor playground. After about 30 minutes, we needed to leave so he could go to his swim class. Again the anger came out. He threw himself on the ground and refused to leave. Then he refused to get into the pool, so I had to put him in. Maybe we need to quit going to the playground before the pool. He LOVES the water, so i don't get this attitude. I feel helpless.

Work is going to be very stressful the next 4 weeks, and I can feel it in my bones already. Let's see how I manage. I need to keep myself in check, and do the best I can do, without letting it consume me.

Day 51

So Wednesday and Thursday were a little tough, making today a much more precious day.

I've kind of settled into starting my work day around 6 or so at home just reading any of the email that came in overnight and getting my day planned, then taking a break at 7 to have breakfast with Zak and Kuba, then getting physically into the office at 8. Unfortunately I had 6 and 7 am meeting on Wed and Thursday this week, so couldn't have breakfast with them. On Wednesday night I had a 10pm meeting with Asia, and on Thursday night I had a business dinner. It wasn't terrible, it just meant that for the last 2 days I didn't have much time with the family.

I did manage to pick Zak up from the daycare on Thursday and spend 30 minutes with him before Kuba came home and I left. I told Zak I was a little sad (I get like that before these evening events.) He said "Awww, your sad? Do you miss your friends?" I guess that is when he gets sad. I answered "No, I'm giong to miss you! But tomorrow you and I get to spend the whole day together!" He said "Yeah, we'll stay home! That makes you happy." I asked if it made him happy too, just to be sure, and he said it did :-)

But Zak let me know this morning that he didn't like it that I wasn't home last night when he went to bed! I was shocked! I was in the shower, and all of a sudden I heard the bathroom door slam open, and a very mad 3 year old standing in the door. He then came over to the shower, pulled open the shower door, and stood there with a very angry look on his face, hands on hips and said "Where were you?!" I've never seen him so angry! I quicklky finished my shower and came out to talk with him. I told him how much I missed him, and asked what he and Tato did the whole night without me. He made me sit in the orange rocking chair and hold him while he talked to me. Very surprising to see him so upset.

We had a good couple hours together after that, and then we had a Tumblebees class. I told him we were going, and he absolutely didn't want to. He got back into bed and said he wanted to stay here, and for me to lay down with him. He was adament about not going, but of course once we got there, he had a blast. I kind of like that he likes being at home, but at the same time, I don't want him to be too lazy. He does so well in the class, and is always bubbling with excitement at the end. By the way, he JUMPED sideways all the way across the balance beam from one end to the other. He's crazy with this jumping.

And here's a shout out to my friend Andy - I was looking around at Tumblebees - 5 daddies there! And 7 moms....that's a great ratio! Andy is one of the few men I know who took a couple months paternity leave...and he was feeling like society just wasn't ready for him :-) He said no moms invited him over for a playdate...but I'm convinced he just wasn't looking in the right places (and of course, his baby was very young at that time...) I know I still see a lot of "Mommy & Me" things...assuming it's always the Mom staying home. But its heartening to see so many men having fun with their kids too.

Anyway, we then went and had lunch with our friend Sara...and now Zak is napping. The rest of the day seems like it should be a great one. I don't feel any need to log into work...things fell into place yesterday for a good close to the week.

I guess there is one work thing on my mind. I get asked a lot to do volunteer activities at work. For example, I lead one of our large training programs, completely on the side of my "real job," which probably averages to a couple hours/week (which is a lot in a 3 day work week!) I get asked to do a lot of "Lunch n Learns", and other side activities. I got asked yesterday if I'd like to start recruiting again at one of our Universities, which I'd absolutely love to do. All of these are good career building things, but they eat up time too. I hate saying "No" because a) you might not be asked again and b) it can actually look bad to say no too often. And it's the first time where I've actually thought twice before just saying "absolutely!" There are things at work that I know I'm not getting done already (albeit, lower priority things)...and so I'm really trying to think through what the appropriate thing to do is. On the one hand, I WANT to do it (it's been so long since I've gotten to work with young university graduates!)...on the other hand, there are other things I still need to tackle without taking on more. I know we all have to deal with this, even with 5 day a week work weeks...I just feel it coming up more and more often these days. I guess, as always, I'll just have to weigh the pros and cons and decide. This is one of those "slower impact" repercussions of working less than full time. I might not fully appreciate the impact for another year or so....

Regardless, it's a beautiful day, and I'm happy to be spending it with Zak!

Day 50

Tuesday was a great day. My mind was clear, and we really had fun. It was a busy day, but I really was able to focus on Zak and he did cute things the whole day as usual.

First though, let me admit I worked just a teeny bit late on Monday. Kuba picked Zak up from the daycare...and so I met them at home probably around 6:30...Zak ran to the door, jumping up and down, "Hi Mommy! Mommy's home! Mommy's home!" And as soon as the car was turned off (I'm so proud he waited until the car was off), he ran over to my door and said "Yeah" and gave me such a big hug. I seriously need to get that on video sometime. My heart was overflowing.

This morning We did a quick Skype session with Babcia. Zak was just kind of lounging in the living room, half asleep. Kuba was trying to get him to be a bit more animated. He asked Zak... "Zak, can you sing something? Or dance? Or show Babcia some of your artwork? Or what?" Zak thought for a second (still lounging) and said "Ummm....or what." We were dying.

We did some light cleaning after Tato left. I set our Roomba going, and pretty soon Zak had it turned on its back again...he said he needed to check the engine. He then asked for our hand vacuum to clean the couches. I gave it to him and he started vacuuming, but then within a few minutes he had taken it apart and handed me a screwdriver. He said he needed to see this engine too and wanted me to open it up further.

Next we went to meet Dana and Rowan at the playground, and from there onto swim lessons. I told him, "ok Zak, let's hop in the car and go see Rowan." I saw him literally do a double-take, then he attempted to physically JUMP into the back seat. I started laughing so hard. I purposefully used the same choice of words later in the day. He smiled and again attempted to HOP into the car :-)

Then we went downtown and visited some people from work (I had to exchange my iPad for another one)...and had lunch with Kuba. We came home, and unfortunately he had that little cat nap in the car, so we skipped the real nap. But we did cuddle up in bed for a little bit. He wanted to read some books, but when I tried to hold them, he said "No, I read them!" So I let him hold them and was expecting him to start acting like he was reading. After a few page turns, he looked at me and said "Come on Mommy, talk!" So I guess he wanted me to do the TALKING only, and he would do the reading to himself :-)

Anyway, the rest of the day was uneventful. Tato came home, and I went and got my haircut. It was a nice day, and I was glad to have my mind dedicated to Zak after the last couple of weeks feeling my attention was more divided.