Day 10

Today was a good one. I again left work yesterday with a feeling of being in control. Had some loose ends I would have liked to tie up, but this is normal even at 100%, so I feel I'm managing.

Some people have asked how do I feel about my career...ie, are people seeing me different, am I starting to be "hidden", etc. It has only been a little over a month, so probably a little too soon to tell, but as of right now, I definitely do not feel my career has in any way sidetracked. I'm still on the hook to the vice-presidents for several deliverables, and still seem to average 2 vp reviews a week. I think it's more than many of my peers. I'm finishing my annual review now, and part of that is articulating your personal goals for the coming 1-3 years. I've been very clear there that I want to make these couple of years an example for others hitting "executive" positions at the same time they are starting a family. I feel like the transparency is going to be key, so I will try to hold myself to that. Not exactly easy for me. I'm relatively introverted, and don't really like to talk personal topics at work. It's an interesting dilemma for women, because we have no choice but to showcase for all the world when we are pregnant. I at first hated that. You know, I've gotten some coaching, especially from older women, who have said not to tell people when you are having to take off work to take a child to the doctor or because they are sick, instead make it about yourself (I have a dr appt, or I'm not feeling well). But I think that's an issue, I think it's when we are more transparent about these things that we enable everyone to make the right accomodations and changes needed to progress. Anyway, I've digressed, the important point I wanted to make is, for now, I feel my career is still on track, but I've also felt this need to be overtly transparent with how things are going. I need to balance between feeling that I'm whining and holding myself (and colleages) accountable for my 60% paycheck...but so far, I feel ok. By the way, men, you should be more transparent too. I know way too many men with newborns at home, still travelling around or working long hours. Our careers are life long endeavors, so we should expect to have peaks and valleys when we can do more and less.

On the Zak side, I think he's realizing our new schedule. On the days I work, I'm gone before he wakes up. Today, when he woke up and saw me still here, he gave this big sleepy smile and said "Mommy" and with a very satisfied purring sound, turned over for a little more sleep. It melted my heart.

We went to the zoo today. It was pretty nice, probably the flowers were the most impressive part. He also really liked the snakes. I think we were the first ones in the park, and had the run of the place for the first hour or so. By 11:00, a few school bus loads of kids had arrived and it was getting a bit busier. Perfect timing since we went to meet my friend Maria for lunch at 11:30.

After lunch, we took a lazy nap, then went out on the bikes. We did a very hilly ride to my accountant to finally pick up our taxes...and, as the Polish say, "Szok! (Shock!)" I thought I was going to get money back, and instead we got an $8,000 bill. Now let me say honestly, it's been years since I've gotten a bill like this that I literally didn't know how I was going to pay. A few things hit at once (ie, we just loaned a friend $3,000, I just went down to a 60% paycheck, etc, etc)...we figured it out in the end, but it took a lot more dipping into savings than I liked. It's a reminder that things are different. I've definitely compromised on the financials to make this happen. So far, I'm confident it's the right decision, I'm just on a learning curve.