Days 65, 66, 67, 68, 69

I consiously let the plans for the last 2 weeks go a bit out of control. I'd been letting the calendar fill up on both the personal and professional side, knowing I had the support of Babcia to help, and that this time of year just does get crazy.

I worked every day, again, consiously letting important meetings slip on the calendar...but I didn't work full days every day. Just coming and going to important end of the year reviews. I took a lot of time for my friends (had 2 evenings with my girlfriends during that time!), took the whole family to see Sara's play "Awaited" (along with the Claytons), went to see Zak's first Christmas play (too cute! he saw me in the audience, but didn't wave, just looked straight at us and told me afterward he saw me), and hosted the Higdon Christmas party. All of this meant things were a bit chaotic, but much of it I could do with Zak, and of course it's just kind of standard for this time of year. For anyone who knows me well, you know I'm a list person...and so at this time of year, I just end up having lists upon lists of things to do. I don't feel the last 2.5 weeks were bad in terms of time spent between work and home, I just feel like I was going at hyper speed in both, and can only sustain that for so long...and now I'm on vacation, so I made it through, and am now enjoying two dedicated weeks with the family.

All of my end of the year work meetings went really well. I had a personal review with the president I support, and then an org review with my vice-president. Both went better than I could have hoped for, and so its making it easy for me to turn off now that I'm on vacation.

One of my lists of course has been some of the cute things Zak has done over the past 2.5 weeks. He's so clearly hitting a next stage, I'm so happy I'm having time to notice.

First, he woke up one morning, and went to the window to check the weather. He announced: "The sky is clear, the sun is coming up, and it's partly cloudly." Ok. That same day, we were building walls out of the cardboard bricks he has. I don't know why, but I got a bit of a mean streak in me, and as he was building, I karate chopped the wall down. He said "Nooo, Mommy! I was still building it! You go over and sit on those steps until you say you are sorry!" :-) I said I was sorry right away to avoid having to sit on the time out step.

Grandpa bought him a new set of tools for Christmas. We've been working (finally finished) a small home improvement project of installing some new french doors. Zak took his hammer, hammered every nail in the threshold. After each hammering session, he took his level and checked if it was ok. Sometimes he nailed some more, sometimes he went on to the next nail. At the end, he stood back and said "Finally. This project is done!" Cracked me up! I've been saying it quite a bit because we thought that project was only going to take a week and it ended up taking several. I guess he's heard me.

The other thing I've noticed he's started to parrot from me...I don't have a lot of patience, especially for things that are supposed to be easy and turn out to be heard. For example, I needed to get one last email out to feel comfortable stopping for the day. I hit send from my iPad...and wouldn't you know my mailbox was full so i couldn't send. As usual, I say something like "Oh Come On!!!!" Zak was trying to put together the airplane Grandma bought him, and the screw wasn't going in right. He said "Soemthing's wrong. Com ON!!!" Cracking me up...I actually got one on video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9No6lO3QqMg

We had another incident with him wanting a drink in the middle of the night. This time, he asked for milk. I gave him water. He told me no, water makes him sick and he'd have juice. I gave him water again. Again he insisted that water makes him sick. Finally he took it and went back to sleep. I wonder how many negotiations we'll have on this topic before he gives up :-)

Zak has also been insisting that the bed in his room is too small. It's a single bed. I actually asked Kuba, do you think it's too small? Should we buy him a bigger bed? He looked at me like I was crazy (and he's right)...I think most kids sleep in a single bed. But one night, as he was insisting again that his bed was too small, I had an idea...together Kuba, Zak and I put the two single mattresses next to each other on the floor, effectively making one big bed. He LOVED it. The next day, Grandma and Grandpa were over, and he explained to them that now he has a big bed too, like Mommy, Tato and Babcia. He said he needed this bed, because he doesn't sleep in Mommy's bed anymore. He truly does love it and has slept every night since there with "less" hassle :-)

And now we are on day 2 of our vacation in Florida. It's going to be such a different vacation because Zak is so much more aware. We had a great dinner on the beach our first night here. The waitress explained their house wines to me, and I said "Uhh, I think I'll try the Pinot." Zak then immediately said "Uhh, I think I'll try the chocolate milk." She confirmed the order and I was so proud of him :-)

We did have an incident where Zak was melting down as we were trying to check out the fitness center. He didn't want to go in, and was throwing a fit. He wanted to be outside at the pool. Eventually I took him back to the car (we weren't ready for the pool yet, we were just trying to get our bearings) and told him I was very disappointed in him. He started to cry. A few minutes later, I told him I love him a lot, I was just disappointed, and I asked if he knew I loved him. He nodded his head yes. I asked if he needed anything, like water or something to eat...he shook his head no. Within 5 minutes he was asleep. I was glad he said he knew I loved him.

I'll leave you with two last things he did in this first day and a half...he loves that we have one wall of our condo that basically folds completely back opening the wall to the lanai. He keeps investigating the tracks and such. Yesterday, he said it looks like the track is broken right here, and pointed. Kuba told him, no it's not broken, that's a screw to hold it in place. Zak said, "No Tato, that's not a screw, that's a nail. It's a nail holding it in place." Kuba was shocked. I guess Zakie knows best.

Last night we had been out all day and came back to the condo for dinner. It was already 8:30...and I asked Zak if he'd like a hot dog for dinner. He answered "Of course I'd LOVE a hot dog." Wow, ok, that was an energetic response that I hadn't heard about a hot dog before :-) I then asked if he'd like some hot chocolate too. He said "Of course, he'd LOVE some hot chocolate." That was easy :-)

So I'll close for now. sorry I let the last 2.5 weeks get away from me, but in general, the balance is still feeling good. Struggling on either side from time to time, but overall, just enjoying everything right now. Zak just climbed into bed between Kuba and I...and grabbed my hand before falling to sleep :-) This is definitely a high period in my life.

Day 64

Today is my first day off after the Thanksgiving 4 day weekend. Before I talk about today, I have to share a few things from the weekend...even if it isn't part of my working less than full time...but so many cute things happened.

Zak seemed to have made another "leap" into adulthood this weekend. It's weird, but I can sometimes just SEE the transitions happening. First, his sentences are getting longer and longer. He came down to our bed one of these mornings around 6am. He wanted a drink. I told him I'd get him some water...he said "I'd appreciate juice better, but water is fine." I almost gave him juice just for the sweetness factor :-) We did a Thanksgiving lunch at his school on Wednesday. It was so much fun, but when I had to go back to work, he was sad (so were all the kids), he pouted a bit, but laid down for his nap and said good-bye. When I came back, I read on his chart that he only slept for like 30 minutes. I just kind of mentioned it out loud, didn't really expect an answer from him, but he said "I know Mommy. I was sad. I was missing you."

And then, on Saturday we went to have breakfast with Grandpa. We forgot his pillow (which he basically wants to have with him everywhere...) He said, "Ooops, we forgot my pillow! We just need to turn around and go get it. Tato, back this car up!"

AND.... by Saturday evening, he started calling me MOM! Not mommy. I can't believe how much its affected me :-) He's growing up!

Yesterday morning we had a not so nice experience starting back to work after the 4 day weekend. I knew it would be tough for all of us to get up...but as I was in the shower, I heard Zak yelling something like "Please! Clean off my pillow!" The next thing I know, Kuba brings Zak into the bathroom and Zak is covered in blood (bloody nose)...Zak thought his pillow was covered in something, but didn't realize it was coming from his nose until he saw himself in the mirror and started to panic. I must admit, my panic button kicked off for a few seconds until I told myself, its just a bloody nose...it looks worse than it is. But talk about chaos. He's screaming for me, I'm trying to get out of the shower, his nose was still gushing everywhere. It added a hectic half an hour to our morning, but looks like he's none worse for it.

Today (Tuesday) has been very busy, but great. I felt like I had so much to do, but once again we had it done by about 10:30. I made that odd sounding cranberry relish dish I keep hearing about on NPR for our Christmas party Saturday (initial taste tests are promising)...we played some "snakes" and "Cat in the Hat", ran to the store, went and met Auntie Ann to pick up Maya's birthday gift, then to FedEx to mail it. Zak kept asking if he could just stay in the car and play with the iPhone...I don't think so, not yet. Although it was tempting given the rainy weather. He also insisted that the umbrella was his...so much for keeping me dry :-)

We got home and played some more games in front of the fire place. I love this time of year. Christmas lights going, fire place going, and just hanging out together. We have so much to be thankful for. Then Jill came over for lunch and just to catch up a bit (she works just a few blocks away, so its very easy.)

And then we went to pick up Babcia from the airport! She's here for 4 months! Yeah! It took Zak all of 15 minutes to remember her.

Anyway, a nice busy day, during a very nice time of year. I'm very happy to have this extra time with Zak and for myself.

Day 63

Today has been a great day, but it took all my will to keep my mind to it. Work is getting more stressful, not less. It's funny, because if I think to write about what causes my stress, it just sounds so stupid. It's good to force myself to blog and put things into perspective. Anyway, I'm not sure if the stress is from the role, or from doing the role at part time, or both. Anyway, I suspect it will get worse yet before it gets better, so I'm prepping myself for a trying first quarter of the year. I feel like if I had maybe just one more day a week, I'd be fine...but...I also know it never works that way. You never have enough time to get everything done. As soon as things are too in control, you take on more responsibilities and there you go...back to not enough time :-)

Anyway, to the fun stuff. We had a lot of errands to run this morning. We had a leisurely breakfast, Zak took a bubble bath while I took a shower. We played some Bob the Builder, then headed out for the errands. We got Kuba's shoes repaired, went to Walgreens to pick up a prescription, and went to the mall to get a Christmas gift. We were back by 10:00, once again playing Bob the Builder, and then switched to trains. Aunt Katie came over for lunch, and we played some more games (Snakes, Topple, and again, Bob the Builder), then Zak and I went to Sharon Woods to play. We stayed out there for over an hour because the weather was so nice. Then he asked to go to Target to look at the Thomas trains. I needed to go to Target, so I said sure. Sometimes (key word sometimes), it's such a pleasure to go with him to places. He's getting so old. He holds my hand and leads the way. He helped me pick out a gift for Matti, then we looked at the trains. He wanted to buy a new Thomas movie...I checked on Netflix on the iPhone and realized that same movie was available to play instantly, so I started it up, and he sat in the cart and watched it. Saved me $15 :-) Netflix is great.

We started home at about 3, he fell asleep and is still sleeping. I think I might go cuddle up next to him for a bit :-) Looking forward to the 4 day weekend! Happy Thanksgiving!

Day 60, 61, 62

Last Tuesday was no good. Zak and I did some things, and had some fun, but I was very preoccupied with work. I think there a few things at play here. 1. I’m still trying to build up the faith and confidence between myself and my team. On my old team, we had such a good working model, it was just very natural…they knew the days I was going to be off, and they made sure they got anything they needed from me before that day, and knew how to survive the day I was gone. I think we still have some growing pains with the new team trying to figure out how to operate when I’m only there 3 days. 2) I think there is a lot of stress trying to wrap up the year before Christmas, making everyone a bit more stressed and 3) I think Mon, Wed and Thurs just isn’t a good drumbeat of work days for me. Can’t wait to get back to Mon, Tues and Thursday. Friday was better. We went up to see Grandma and Grandpa and had a great time. We raked up leaves and ran through them, had breakfast and lunch there. I added some new music to my mom's iPod (I think she's had the exact same music on that thing for 5 years!) Friday evening we threw ourselves into a family "house improvement project", and I was feeling much better (and physically exhausted) by Monday. Tuesday this week was good, and I'm going into tomorrow feeling better than last week. Thursday, we started the final pieces of our patio renovation....we replaced our existing French Doors with outward swinging doors, and put in a low-profile threshold so we can finally roll our food preparation cart in and out from the patio to the kitchen. We knocked down a small wall between the patio and kitchen, and patched the hardwood floor. My dad came down and helped do the big part (ie, actually replacing the door jambs, cutting out the old doors, patching the hardwood, etc)..but then we had 3 days worth (well, more, because we aren't finished) of switching out the windows of the doors, replacing the trim, caulking, insulating, etc. It feels so good to do physical work like that from time to time. Zak was a trooper and helped the whole time. A huge smile from me on Friday when he woke up from his nap. We had been working on the doors, and he fell asleep on the couch. I saw him starting to stir and was ready for a break, so I came over and sat on the chair beside him so I could hold him if he wanted when he woke up. Just as he was waking, I noticed there was a ladybug on his pillow. He opened his eyes, and I put my fingers on my lips so he wouldn't move too much, and pointed to his pillow. He saw the ladybug and said, "Ahh. It's a ladybug, and he's happy!" I asked, reconfirming "He's happy?" Zak said "Yeah! He sees his mommy." I couldn't ask for anything nicer. Of course I prefer to write about those things, but, there are of course those trying times. Friday night we went for dinner...we came home, and Zak apparently thought the garage floor was the place to hang his coat. It was a battle of wills to get him to pick it up. Or on Saturday, when he was taking a bath, and I told him it was time to get out...he pointed to the door and told me "No. I'm not ready...you go talk to Tato, I'll stay in the bath." The ladybug story is much nicer :-) Time is flying by. Just this week, Zak has stopped running to me when I come to the daycare. He still gets a big smile, and still says "Hi Mommy!"...but he doesn't come running, he finishes playing, shows me what he was doing, says bye to his friends. I've already missed getting the energetic run on film. One more sweet memory this week...we bought our airline tickets for our Christmas vacation. I asked Zak if he was ready to get back on an airplane. He said "Yes! I want to get on that airplane and bring Maya back here!" He knows Maya flies to see us :-) I love writing this blog. It keeps me appreciating my time during this very precious period of my life.

Day 59

I couldn't bring myself to post on Friday, because I think I'm a bit in denial. It's hard to blog about yourself when you really think you're not doing a good job...and these last two weeks, I deifnitely feel I'm slipping at work.

I've gone through all the self-help stuff...ie, you were just on vacation last week, it's always hard coming off vacation. And, this week you were in all day meetings 2 out of your 3 days, that's always hard. And you are only 4 months into the role, you know it usually takes you about 6 months to get your feet firmly on the ground. Maybe those are true, maybe they aren't...but if I was being judged purely on my performance over the last 2 weeks, I don't think I'd cut it.

I'm simply not keeping up. And next week, 1.5 days of my 3 day week are all day meetings. The following week, it's the same. It's not about catching up, because I know I'll never catch up...but it's about having enough time to do even the basics...ie at least meet 1 hour a week with everyone on my team so they keep moving forward, filing my expense reports (had 2 business dinners to pay for last week!), even getting meetings SCHEDULED I can't seem to find time for. And even worse, I now end up with 2-3 meetings triple booked, and where in the past I could always make a priority call...now, those ARE the priority meetings...I've already shaved off all the non-priority ones, and generally, people have rescheduled them for me. So I get meeting recaps from all the meetings, all of which have very valuable information, and I don't even have time to read them.

I keep asking myself, why is this just coming to a head for me now? I was feeling overall pretty good up until a couple of weeks ago. I think it's because now I truly understand everything I SHOULD be doing to do the job right, and I'm realizing I don't have time for it. I also do think people are trying to put a lot of all day meetings in here just before Dec, where everything pretty much goes dead. Let me survive until Thanksgiving! :-)

I'm of course not crying uncle...a couple of bad weeks won't stop me. But I DO need to adjust, and I don't know what I'm going to adjust just yet. When I figure it out, I'll let you know.

NOW, having said all that...Zak and I had a great day on Friday. We played trains all morning. He was as happy as I was in the morning to be together. He starts every morning now with a question "Do we get to stay home today?" I love that he wants to :-) My friend Melanie joined us for lunch, and then Zak and I napped. I wasn't able to turn off completely, but I was exhausted from having had business dinners 3 nights last week, and so just tried to relish the down time with Zak. In the evening, Kuba, Zak and I sat all together on the couch and watched a couple weeks of "Oursourced" on Netflix (well, Zak had his Thomas running seperately, but still cuddled with Kuba and I). We had the fire going, and it was just a really nice way to end a hectic week where I was filled with self-doubt. At least my family loves me :-)

Day 58

Hello Everyone! Last week I didn't blog because I don't count it as part of my less than full time, since I was on vacation from Wed-Fri. Jude, Chad and Maya came into town, and we spent 4 days with the family. It was a nice visit, but I think I pushed Zak a bit hard...it was clear because on Sunday after everyone left, at 10:30 in the morning, he drug his pillow out to the living room and said "Mommy, I'm tired." And then laid on the couch and slept for 4 HOURS!!!

I was worried about the evening, but at 8:30, we went up to his bedroom, read 2 books, and he even said, "ok, time to nap"...and was asleep in 30 seconds. He didn't wake up until 6:30 the next morning. Wow. He was tired.

Today has been a great day in the middle of what will be a tough week. I have business dinners 3 nights this week. Zak and I have stayed in the whole morning, taking turns playing games and cleaning. It's amazing how far behind laundry and stuff can get in 5 days :-) We bought this new game called "The Cat in the Hat, I can do That" - so fun! It makes you do silly things like hop around a "Trick a ma stick" while holding a cake on your head. We love it, and laugh and laugh. Zak really likes the one that makes you slide UNDER the "trick a ma stick."

I feel a little behind at work, but I assume its because I was gone for 3 days last week. It's a bit hard forcing myself to let go on this day knowing how far behind I am, but that's part of it I guess.

We did an art project together this morning (which is just painting with water colors) - but Zak was really into it. He worked on his for about 30 minutes, very meticulously adding different colors to make what he calls a helicopter. It did look like a helicopter at one point, but now it looks more like a big colorful blob. I, on the other hand, painted a page in a coloring book. When I asked Zak if I could hang my painting on his wall of art, he said no. I guess it didn't meet his standards. He also said his wasn't ready for hanging either, he wanted to work more on it later. I guess he has something specific in his mind for the final product :-)


Anyway, it's been a nice relaxing and quiet day. I feel connected with Zak again (was worried since we were starting to battle a lot the last couple of days of my brother's visit), and feel ready to take on the full day of meetings/dinner tomorrow. When he wakes from his nap, we'll go vote and then to the park. It's a beautiful fall day.

Day 57

Zak and I stayed up way too late on Thursday night. I guess that is part of the perks of working only three days a week, you can stay up late knowing you can sleep in...unfortunately, we didn't sleep in :-)

Thursday night, we went to our first Halloween party together, at his daycare. My brother and I decided to do a group thing this year, so we are all dressing as different characters from the Wizard of Oz. It'll be great once Maya, Jude and Chad get here...but for Thursday, maybe we looked a bit random just being a wicked witch and the Tin Man (Zak.) Kuba will be a wicked tree, but I think he's still trying to mentally prepare himself for this whole thing. He found an excuse (working on the window well still in the back yard), and I decided to let him slide on it.

Zak has no idea who the tin man is, nor did he have any interest in being one. He decided he wanted to be a pumpkin. I tried to convince him he could be a tin man holding a pumpkin. Not good enough. In the end, he went, but he wasn't happy. Once we got there, he had a blast...mostly jumping in the jumping balloon for about 40 minutes. I couldn't get him out. He kept taunting me, jumping close to the opening, but not close enough that I could grab him. He finally made the mistake of getting too close, and I caught him :-) He was exhausted.

Anyway, we had a nice time, got a pumpkin, made a cookie, had some dinner...but it was late by the time we got home and got in bed. Kuba had bought Zak a big Christmas train that he had seen at Lowe's...and so had it set up for him when he got home. It's a pretty cool train, you control it by remote, but it's damn loud. It make bed time a real treat. Then, at about 6 in the morning, apparently Zak remembered his train. I hear him shuffle down the stairs, and the next thing I know, the train is going, and whistling Christmas carols. Ugh.

The morning we had a lot of errands to run, especially we needed to go pick out some stone for the window well, and then he had a swimming class. Zak was so cranky. We got the stone, but Zak was in such a state over the swim lessons, that we bailed out and went to have lunch with Aunt Katie instead.

We had a great nap together (I needed one too). After a couple hours, he woke up and asked me to hold him in the orange rocking chair, which I don't do nearly as often any more. So we rocked together, and a few minutes later, I sneezed...twice. Zak opened his eyes, but his fingers to his lips, and said "Shhh." Ooops, my bad. I sneezed again, and he got up, mumbling to himself, got some tissue, brought one over to my nose and said "Blow." Of course, he wasn't covering my nose at all, just holding a tissue up to the tip of it. "Blow!" Ok, so I did, kind of, through my laughs. Then he told me to cover my mouth, and proceeded to throw the tissue away. He was now up and we did some art projects and played with trains the rest of the afternoon :-)

The morning wasn't great, but the afternoon made up for it.

Day 54, 55 and 56

Last Tuesday was not the greatest of days. I got work calls throughout the day, making it difficult to get into any momentum with Zak. The problem is that when people from work call, it's never an easy thing to fix. I all but refuse to log in on those days, so I have to rely on others to fix the issue at hand. But then I can't let it go...I am constantly wondering how they are doing with it, wondering if I should log in to help. Ugh.

Friday was almost the same, but I just forced myself to shut down. I logged on early in the morning, planning to answer a question the president had asked to have answered by Monday. I was waiting for a last piece of information which I knew I'd have in my inbox Friday morning. I was about to hit send on the email, and then checked myself...I knew that I'd then be checking my email all day to see if he had any follow-up questions. He asked for it Monday, so I decided to wait until Monday morning and just walk over to his office with the info. I shut down the computer, and shut down from work for the next 3 days. I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER now!

Let me give a shout out now to this cool blog that my friend Dana shared with me...Single Dad Laughing. It had me laughing and crying :-) I loved reading from the guy's point of view.

Friday we had a playdate at the park with a friend, then went for lunch. I did end up having a bad headache Friday afternoon, but I laid down with Zak, and felt great 2 hours later when we woke up.

Zak's been doing a lot of role playing with his Thomas the trains. Today I heard him say "Thomas, look me in the eye." (I've been saying that a lot to him lately when he gets upset.) Then he said "Thomas gasped!" He also likes to turn on the vaporizer, and then as the steam is coming out, he puts various trains, cars or firetrucks on top of it. When you ask him what's going on, he says "they are getting a wash down."

Today we started out early doing some grocery shopping, then stopped by ToysRUs where he picked out a new train. I also bought some paints and paintbrushes, because lately he's been asking to do "art projects" together, and we ran out of the paint I had. Then we went for swimming lessons, which Zak wanted no part of. On the way to the lesson, he said, "Mommy, are you tired? Let's go take a nap together instead." He knows me very well! It was a tempting offer! I don't know why he's become anti swim lessons, since he loves the water. He says the pool is too big and he's such a little boy. I had to sit on the side of the pool, pull up my pants and stick my feet in to get him to swim. Within 5 minutes he was fine, but he had his heels dug in to get started.

Then we went to meet Sara for lunch, and then home for his nap. He slept for 2 hours in his new room. I got a lot of personal things done during that time. I really enjoy not being so busy that I don't have time to think. The last few years I have just felt like I barely have had time to even do the simple things like go to the bathroom at regular intervals, pay the bills, make dental appts. It's nice to feel a bit more in control now....

We ended the evening digging out our basement window well so we could put a new one in. I swear I don't know why we even plant grass in our backyard. Everytime it starts growing, we tear it right up again. Zak was so cute working out there for hours with Kuba over the weekend and tonight. You can see a small video here.

Day 53

Friday ended up being a great day, even though it had all the smells of being disastrous. Thursday, our president needed some data to prep for a CEO review he had on Monday. The data he needed wasn't easy to get or produce...I knew there was no physical way for the woman responsible for pulling it all together could get it done....so I had her teach me. We stayed up until about 1am getting it done. My gut told me the president would see it Friday morning, and then want more data based on new questions he'd think of. I was mentally prepping myself for having to give up my Friday....but at around 9:30, he said he had everything he needed! Maybe it was the scare of chaos, but as soon as that was confirmed, I felt a renewed energy to make sure I enjoyed the day with Zak! By the way, I have to say huge thanks to Kuba too. At 5:00, I just pinged him on the computer and said "I need help." He left work immediately to get Zak, and cancelled his tennis for the evening. It felt great to have that support from him.

I turned on some music Friday morning and started trying to get Zak to dance with me....he quickly told me to stop dancing. I don't know what he has against my dancing and singing. So then I started making crazy noises, acting like a monster. He started laughing and told me I was funny :-)

I asked him if he wanted to help me do some laundry. He thought for a minute and said, "Um, No Thank You." As I've said before, at least he's polite. We did some letter drawing for a bit on the white board...his favorite letter to draw is T (grandma showed him how to do that...) Today I was surprised that he wrote a g! He said, "Hmm, what's G for?" I offered up "Garbage." He said "How about garage door." That surprised me.

Anyway, at 10 we went up to Pump it Up with Rowan and Dana. I think I have more fun there than he does. And then we went to McDonald's...the one on Tylersville is great because it has a music playground. They can slide down a piano keyboard, beat some drums, and climb on a guitar. The boys had a lot of fun together. Zak cried when we left that he wanted to stay with Rowan.


The rest of the afternoon consisted of a nap, and then playing around outside. Our friend Jill came over to do the very final touch-ups of the room (it's done!) We hung around, had some wine, and just talked. I ended the day feeling very happy and satisfied.

Day 52

Today, and especially last night, has started out great. Zak and I have been laughing a lot, but we've had our struggles too.

The fun stuff first....a couple of cute things. Last night I went for short run. I got home, and Zak and Kuba were working together on dinner, so I snuck in for a bubble bath. I think it's the first time I've used our whirlpool bath in 3 years :-) Just as I was getting out I was thinking how strange it was to have an uninterrupted bath...and Zak came in. He said..."My turn for a bubble bath! I need a bath, I'm dirty. I'm completely covered in dirt!" Which made me burst out laughing. He was so trying to convince me how dirty he was.

We had a nice dinner together, and then Kuba left for tennis. Zak and I snuggled up in bed together and read some books. Its perfect weather for snuggling. I then even let us have some cheese in bed for dessert before we finally brushed our teeth for the real bed time.

This morning we were takling about who we should go to lunch with. We tried several people, but everyone was busy. Finally Zak said, how about just Zachary and mommy only. I am fine with that :-) We went to the grocery, and he pushed the cart the whole way. He didn't want to go to the store, he kept insisting it was closed, but once we were there, he was great.

But there have been some struggles too. Yesterday morning, he didn't want to go to the restroom before school. I asked him several times, and I knew he needed to go because he hadn't gone all night. We made the mistake once of not having him go, and he had an accident immediately when he got to school. So I forced him into the bathroom. He was so angry (I'm seeing his anger come out more these days)...he took the toilet lid....AND BIT IT! Then he told me he was very cross (he's been watching way too much Thomas the Train.) I was shocked again by his frustration. I hope it's the terrible twos a bit late.

This morning after the grocery store, we went to play on an indoor playground. After about 30 minutes, we needed to leave so he could go to his swim class. Again the anger came out. He threw himself on the ground and refused to leave. Then he refused to get into the pool, so I had to put him in. Maybe we need to quit going to the playground before the pool. He LOVES the water, so i don't get this attitude. I feel helpless.

Work is going to be very stressful the next 4 weeks, and I can feel it in my bones already. Let's see how I manage. I need to keep myself in check, and do the best I can do, without letting it consume me.

Day 51

So Wednesday and Thursday were a little tough, making today a much more precious day.

I've kind of settled into starting my work day around 6 or so at home just reading any of the email that came in overnight and getting my day planned, then taking a break at 7 to have breakfast with Zak and Kuba, then getting physically into the office at 8. Unfortunately I had 6 and 7 am meeting on Wed and Thursday this week, so couldn't have breakfast with them. On Wednesday night I had a 10pm meeting with Asia, and on Thursday night I had a business dinner. It wasn't terrible, it just meant that for the last 2 days I didn't have much time with the family.

I did manage to pick Zak up from the daycare on Thursday and spend 30 minutes with him before Kuba came home and I left. I told Zak I was a little sad (I get like that before these evening events.) He said "Awww, your sad? Do you miss your friends?" I guess that is when he gets sad. I answered "No, I'm giong to miss you! But tomorrow you and I get to spend the whole day together!" He said "Yeah, we'll stay home! That makes you happy." I asked if it made him happy too, just to be sure, and he said it did :-)

But Zak let me know this morning that he didn't like it that I wasn't home last night when he went to bed! I was shocked! I was in the shower, and all of a sudden I heard the bathroom door slam open, and a very mad 3 year old standing in the door. He then came over to the shower, pulled open the shower door, and stood there with a very angry look on his face, hands on hips and said "Where were you?!" I've never seen him so angry! I quicklky finished my shower and came out to talk with him. I told him how much I missed him, and asked what he and Tato did the whole night without me. He made me sit in the orange rocking chair and hold him while he talked to me. Very surprising to see him so upset.

We had a good couple hours together after that, and then we had a Tumblebees class. I told him we were going, and he absolutely didn't want to. He got back into bed and said he wanted to stay here, and for me to lay down with him. He was adament about not going, but of course once we got there, he had a blast. I kind of like that he likes being at home, but at the same time, I don't want him to be too lazy. He does so well in the class, and is always bubbling with excitement at the end. By the way, he JUMPED sideways all the way across the balance beam from one end to the other. He's crazy with this jumping.

And here's a shout out to my friend Andy - I was looking around at Tumblebees - 5 daddies there! And 7 moms....that's a great ratio! Andy is one of the few men I know who took a couple months paternity leave...and he was feeling like society just wasn't ready for him :-) He said no moms invited him over for a playdate...but I'm convinced he just wasn't looking in the right places (and of course, his baby was very young at that time...) I know I still see a lot of "Mommy & Me" things...assuming it's always the Mom staying home. But its heartening to see so many men having fun with their kids too.

Anyway, we then went and had lunch with our friend Sara...and now Zak is napping. The rest of the day seems like it should be a great one. I don't feel any need to log into work...things fell into place yesterday for a good close to the week.

I guess there is one work thing on my mind. I get asked a lot to do volunteer activities at work. For example, I lead one of our large training programs, completely on the side of my "real job," which probably averages to a couple hours/week (which is a lot in a 3 day work week!) I get asked to do a lot of "Lunch n Learns", and other side activities. I got asked yesterday if I'd like to start recruiting again at one of our Universities, which I'd absolutely love to do. All of these are good career building things, but they eat up time too. I hate saying "No" because a) you might not be asked again and b) it can actually look bad to say no too often. And it's the first time where I've actually thought twice before just saying "absolutely!" There are things at work that I know I'm not getting done already (albeit, lower priority things)...and so I'm really trying to think through what the appropriate thing to do is. On the one hand, I WANT to do it (it's been so long since I've gotten to work with young university graduates!)...on the other hand, there are other things I still need to tackle without taking on more. I know we all have to deal with this, even with 5 day a week work weeks...I just feel it coming up more and more often these days. I guess, as always, I'll just have to weigh the pros and cons and decide. This is one of those "slower impact" repercussions of working less than full time. I might not fully appreciate the impact for another year or so....

Regardless, it's a beautiful day, and I'm happy to be spending it with Zak!

Day 50

Tuesday was a great day. My mind was clear, and we really had fun. It was a busy day, but I really was able to focus on Zak and he did cute things the whole day as usual.

First though, let me admit I worked just a teeny bit late on Monday. Kuba picked Zak up from the daycare...and so I met them at home probably around 6:30...Zak ran to the door, jumping up and down, "Hi Mommy! Mommy's home! Mommy's home!" And as soon as the car was turned off (I'm so proud he waited until the car was off), he ran over to my door and said "Yeah" and gave me such a big hug. I seriously need to get that on video sometime. My heart was overflowing.

This morning We did a quick Skype session with Babcia. Zak was just kind of lounging in the living room, half asleep. Kuba was trying to get him to be a bit more animated. He asked Zak... "Zak, can you sing something? Or dance? Or show Babcia some of your artwork? Or what?" Zak thought for a second (still lounging) and said "Ummm....or what." We were dying.

We did some light cleaning after Tato left. I set our Roomba going, and pretty soon Zak had it turned on its back again...he said he needed to check the engine. He then asked for our hand vacuum to clean the couches. I gave it to him and he started vacuuming, but then within a few minutes he had taken it apart and handed me a screwdriver. He said he needed to see this engine too and wanted me to open it up further.

Next we went to meet Dana and Rowan at the playground, and from there onto swim lessons. I told him, "ok Zak, let's hop in the car and go see Rowan." I saw him literally do a double-take, then he attempted to physically JUMP into the back seat. I started laughing so hard. I purposefully used the same choice of words later in the day. He smiled and again attempted to HOP into the car :-)

Then we went downtown and visited some people from work (I had to exchange my iPad for another one)...and had lunch with Kuba. We came home, and unfortunately he had that little cat nap in the car, so we skipped the real nap. But we did cuddle up in bed for a little bit. He wanted to read some books, but when I tried to hold them, he said "No, I read them!" So I let him hold them and was expecting him to start acting like he was reading. After a few page turns, he looked at me and said "Come on Mommy, talk!" So I guess he wanted me to do the TALKING only, and he would do the reading to himself :-)

Anyway, the rest of the day was uneventful. Tato came home, and I went and got my haircut. It was a nice day, and I was glad to have my mind dedicated to Zak after the last couple of weeks feeling my attention was more divided.

Days 47, 48, 49

It's a Saturday morning and the family is still sleeping. It's kind of nice to have the quiet house to my self. It allows me to think, and think about why I ended this week a little more on the gloomy side.

First fo all I want to mention Greg, who I never met, but heard so much about. He was the son of Diane, Zak's nanny. He died of cancer at the age of 41, leaving behind 3 beautiful young children. Life really seems unfair sometimes. I went to the memorial yesterday, and I'm sure that's part of why I feel so reflective. Kuba will be 41 in January.

But on top of that, last Friday I agreed to a two and a half hour meeting this Friday, and it's been on my mind ever since. I looked back, and I think I've only done this 3 times....so 3 times in 6 months doesn't seem that bad, but of course it's chaotic when I do it. The same day, I was pushed to rearrange another week for a meeting. This one isn't until Dec, so I have time to plan for it, but still...it means more rearranging. Luckily Dana was able to watch Zak this week, and he loves hanging out with Dana and Rowan...but it still basically meant my whole day with him was gone. I had to start out 45 minutes before the meeting to drop him off. Then when I picked him back up, it was nap time, and then I was gone again after to see Diane. I'm not sure how I felt about the outcome of the meeting itself, and so that probably hasn't helped me feel good about the compromise. Maybe the fact that also this week I had several 6am meetings, so couldn't have breakfast with the family, and worked very late Thursday (at home, but still meant my mental capacity wasn't on the family)...has contributed to me feeling like this week wasn't a great example of how to work less than full time.

But even aside from that, Zak and I didn't seem to have a great day on Tuesday either. He went to swim class, which is no longer really something we get to do together. We met Aunt Katie for lunch, which was nice. But then after, we both just seemed kind of lazy and bored. He likes to play his iPhone, which I don't mind, but this specific day, he even asked if he could just lay in bed and play with it. I think we both might have a bug still that we just can't seem to shake. Because as much as I hated the idea of him just lying in bed playing games for the afternoon...I also didn't have the energy to suggest something else, so I laid next to him and did the same thing.

One other interesting thing has happened this week at work. Remember I'm in a new group. Well, several women have just resigned. Most of them saying it was because they couldn't get the balance right...and suddenly, all eyes are on me. April, we need you to show how it's possible to make decisions like this and make it work. I guess I'm still internalizing what this really means, and feeling like if we are really focussed on one person (me), who is still only 6 months into this...then we probably do have a problem. There should be others that can also be an example. To be clear, in my whole company there certainly are examples...but we're struggling to find them in the group that I'm working in now.

Anyway, Zak does still amaze me. I do notice him becoming more and more independent, which makes me kind of sad, but of course happy too. We're still working on his room...and he has entered the phase of unending questions..."Mommy, what's this?", "It's a ladder.", "No Mommy, I know it's a ladder. What's THIS?" "Oh, sorry, it's the rung of the ladder." "Oh, the rung of the ladder? For stepping?" "Yup, for stepping." "Mommy, what's this?" "Umm, I guess it's called a brace" (the few rungs on the back side of a ladder) "Oh, a brace. For stepping?" "No, just to support the ladder so it doesn't break." "Oh, to support." And then, I felt he was testing me. He pointed to some of the trucks being painted on the wall. "Mommy, what's this?" "I think it's a crane" (but it's on the back of a truck, so I don't really know...) "No Mommy, it's a mobile crane." "And this one?" and without waiting for me to show that this one I knew, he said "this one is a steamroller." And then he went on to tell me all the different ones around the room.

He keeps trying to negotiate with me too. I've made the mistake of buying Thomas the Train toothpaste, only to realize it doesn't have any flouride in it. Unfortunately, he loves it, so almost refuses to use anything else. I've decided we can alternate every other brushing until it runs out. But every time I put the flouride toothpaste on his brush, he throws a fit. I try to tell him he's a big boy, so needs to use big boy toothpaste...he says, "No, I'm not a big boy. I'm a little boy." So then I tell him, but he has big boy teeth that are very strong and need flouride to help keep them strong. "No, my teeth aren't strong! I'm a little boy, and my teeth are not strong!" And then I hear Kuba cracking up in the other room.

One other cute one is he's gotten very good at looking out for cars when walking across the street or in a parking lot...so Thursday when we walked out of the daycare, another mom was getting into her car and he pulled me back and said "Be careful mommy! A car!" He also knows my, Kuba and his own full name, city and street! It is so cute to hear him call himself "Zachary Cielica." By the way, he also thinks Dana is "Dana Cielica." :-)

Anyway, Kuba and Zak are waking up...so guess I'll close it out for now. Remember to cherish all the time you have...life should not be taken for granted.

Days 41-46

Sorry it's been so long!!! We've had a couple of crazy weeks in the Cielica family.

Two weeks ago, I rearranged my 2 days off to be Thursday and Friday, so Zak and I could go spend a long weekend with my brothers and our niece, Maya, in St. Paul. Kuba met us there Friday after work. We had a great time going to the pool, the Zoo, biking around, and even 2x to the Minnesota State Fair. Jude and Chad kept us busy!






It was very nice to spend time there, but on the way back we must have caught some kind of bug.

We started our week back as normal, but by the end of the first day, I was called to get Zak because he had a fever, and it went down hill from there. That is one challenge of working part time, the impact on work seems magnified when one thing goes awry. Kuba and I split the days the best we could...but then on Thursday, we both woke up with 101 fevers as well...there was no way for us to get to the office, we felt so bad. The whole family spent the day in their pajamas with whoever felt the hungriest slothing out of bed to make some food ( get some crackers or some such)...whatever it was, it was pretty powerful for the day. Kuba and I recovered pretty well within 24 hours...but some symptoms still lingered for a week. Zak didn't recover so quickly, but at least by mid this week he was without a fever, so we could take him back to daycare. Thank goodness our jobs are flexible! Anyway, last week's chaos, caused this week to also be off schedule. Monday was a holiday, which meant I couldn't take Zak to daycare. Kuba and I both got a couple hours of work in just to try and catch up. Then I put Zak in school for Tues, Wed and Thurs because I just needed some solid hours in the office. By Friday I was feeling better, although I still think I need another week to fully feel in control again (and probably then Zak will catch something else at school :-) )

Anyway, we still managed some fun, but not enough given the beautiful weather we've been having :-) I tried to take some notes as we were going through it. One cute thing Zak did this week was I told him I was so happy to have him as my son. He said NO MOMMY! I'm not your son! I'm your boy! Okie dokie.

While we were in St. Paul, Uncle Chad was reading him a book, and in the book, one of the characters was very sad. Zak pointed to the picture of the sad bumble bee and said, "He's so sad. He misses his Mommy." It makes my heart tingle. This week when I picked him up from daycare one day, he said "Mommy! I was missing you all day!" I think this is a special age for him and I.

While we were sick, Zak insisted on taking my temperature every day. First he would feel my forehead and either say "Better" or "Hot again." Then he'd put the thermometer on my arm or between my toes (I don't know where he got that idea).

Here's a picture from our last day of being bums in bed...we were feeling better, but not ready to run around yet.

Oh, and here's a new one...he continues to try everything to prolong his bed time. I need to go pee pee, I need a drink, I need to kiss Tato. For his drinks, he's always trying to negotiate with me. He knows after brushing his teeth, it's water only. So he starts by asking for yogurt. "No, Zak. It's after you've brushed, you can have water." "Ok, milk." "No, not after brushing your teeth." "Ok, juice." "Zak..." Finally he settles on water...but here is his latest thing...he tries to convince me that since all the tooth paste is in his tummy, not on his teeth, that he should get yogurt anyway. He keeps saying "No! Mommy! The toothpaste is in my tummy! Not on my teeth!" His logic is interesting.

This morning as we had our first leisurely morning together, I was cleaning up a bit in the bathroom, and he was playing in my closet. He started running through my clothes saying "I'm going through the car wash!" So cool how they put things together.

Anyway, this week is going well. I've enjoyed my day so far with Zak. I can't believe he's in a swim class now without me. I just sit behind a window and watch, and realize what a big boy he's becoming.

Someone asked me this week how work was going with this part time...and I still have to say it's going very well. I always feel my calendar is a little chaotic. People try to squeeze into every 5 minutes when I'm there. But I feel very much in control of my destiny, and my time. I don't feel anything has slowed down for me in terms of career or good assignments, and it has helped me appreciate even more how life is a journey that you can control (to some extent of course.) I continue to feel very lucky!

Day 40

So today was very busy, but very fun and insightful.

First, I have to talk about Sunday morning, because Zak just cracked me up. We stayed up the night before very late. We have visitors from the Polish tennis team staying with us since they are playing in the ATP. Zak simply would not go to bed...he was having way too much fun with these guys, who adored him. Finally at 11:30 we went to bed. At 8:00, I got up and I checked on Zak. He was kind of awake and said "No Mommy, I don't want to get up!" Wow, that's a first :-) I guess we really wore him out.

We started the morning as normal, doing some light housework, hanging out together. He needed to go to the bathroom at some point, and usually I go help him reach the toilet. This time he told me "No Mommy, you stay here" and put out his hand to stop me. So I let him go on his own, peeking around the corner to see him standing up going to the bathroom on his own. They grow up to fast.

Then at 10:30 we biked up to Zak's school because a police officer was coming to talk and show them a police car. It was very cute to see the police officer trying to get 20 or so 3 year olds to listen to his lesson about how to shout out for help if someone they don't know asks them to go home with them. He gave them all police badges, and then they got to sit in the police car. So fun. Today at school, Zak pointed to where the police car was on Tuesday and said sadly, "Police Car all gone."

Then I decided to try out the Blue Ash rec center gym for a half an hour. They have a tot room for Zak, so we went there together and hung out for awhile, then I got a quick run in on the treadmill, it felt great! Zak did great too, so maybe we'll make it a tradition. I need to start getting more exercise in besides just tennis.

Anyway, then it was lunch time, so we ate at the Blue Ash Cafe, then went home for a nap. At 3:00 he woke up, and we went up to the ATP to watch Ala's practice match. The drive up there was what was so insightful.

As we started heading north on Kenwood Rd (just a couple blocks from our house)...Zak said, yeah, we're going to King's Island.! And sure enough, the ATP is right next to King's Island, and it's about the only time we take a left there on Kenwood. I know many adults who wouldn't make that connection (but I won't mention Jelica's name). Anyway, I explained to him that yes, this is the way to King's Island, but today we're going to watch Ala and Maciek play tennis. He said "Oh. Ok. Let's go watch tennis." Big Smile. THEN, as we are driving on 71 North, we go past Home Depot and Lowe's at Fields Ertel. Zak says, "Look down there....Tato's shopping." That man takes Zak shopping way too much apparently.

We park at the ATP, and it's like 100 degrees. I'm sweating just stepping out of the car. 5 minutes into our walk from the parking lot to the tournament, Zak asks me to carry him. I say "No Zak, why don't you walk." He stops and says "Mommy,carry me. It's too hot to walk." Really. Anyway, we get to the tournament, and we get to go through the players entrance because Maciek and Ala put us on the "Family list", so we have VIP passes for the whole event. Zak walks straight to the players lounge and is pretty adament he has no intention of going outside to watch any practice in 100 degrees. We did manage to go watch a half an hour or so (Ala always comes over during breaks and gives him things, so that kept his attention a bit)...but we pretty quickly had to give up and go back to the players lounge. Kuba joined us after work and we took turns watching some games and hanging in the loung with Zak (who loved the arcade inside.)

I love his new "Oh, ok" saying. Diane had asked for a couple pictures of Zak. He was upstairs with the printer, so I printed the pictures, and as he was coming down the stairs, I asked him to go to the printer and bring down the pictures. He stopped and said "Oh, ok. I'll get pictures." And he went back up and got them.

Anyway, a very nice day. I think I mentioned already that working Monday, Wed and Thurs doesn't feel as natural to me as working Monday, Tuesday and Thursday...and the interesting thing is my new team asked me today if I'd kill them if we switched back to Monday, Tuesday and Thursday as of Jan. :-) Cool. Still 5 months like this, but then back to something that feels a bit better to me. By then I'll probably be used to this way :-)

Day 39

Today was another rather lazy day, even though it started out looking very busy. We got up, and leisurely cleaned a bit. Zak loves mopping the floor and cleaning the windows. The only problem is the excess Windex and water he likes to leave behind. He went to cleaning the windows and floors (with me coming behind him every 5 minutes or so), and I did the dishes and laundry. We got dressed, and Zak was very opinionated about his clothes today. In the end, he picked out "Diane's shirt" (a tye dyed shirt Diane gave him), which I luckily found in the clean clothes basket, I just hadn't had a chance to fold them. At 9:00, we headed out, with the plan of going to the car shop to get our turn signal looked at, then up to King's Island for a couple hours, and then to meet my friend Melanie for lunch.

As we were driving to the car shop, Zak saw Toys-R-Us and asked to stop. So I told him sure, we could do it on the way up to King's Island. I wanted to buy him a pair of skates anyway, those Fisher Price kind that adjust over your shoes...they are so cool now, look like little roller blades :-) Anyway, we went there and I told him he could pick out one toy. I picked up the roller blades, and he kept telling me "No, put them back Mommy" because he thought those counted as his one :-) Eventually he picked an electric drum set (a cheap one), and we took it out of the box so he could play with it in the car. And that was it, he didn't want to go to King's Island anymore. He wanted to go home and play with his drums. I kept asking him, but he was adament to go home, so we did.

We hung out a bit at home, then went to meet Melanie for lunch. Zak was already a little tired, so I wouldn't say it was a relaxing lunch, but Melanie has 2 kids, so she understood :-) After lunch he asked me to lay down with him ("Want to lay down Mommy?") Of course I did :-) He's now got this thing where he WANTS me to sing...but only the "Rock a bye baby in the tree top"...except I always replace baby with Zakie, Katie, Ann...whoever. Now he tells me WHO he wants me to sing about...today we had to go through the whole list (Ethan, Logan, Ann, Dave, Tato, Mommy, Dana, Matt, Rowan, Katie, Jude, Chad, Maya, Paul, Grandma, Grandpa, Babcia...even more...I think Diane and Aiden his buddy from school, was even in there somewhere) At one point, I just wanted to see how asleep he was...and so I started the song with "Rock a bye Ethan in the tree top..." and ended with "and down will come Logan, cradle and all" and he laughed and said "NO!!!! Ethan!" He thought I was joking with him (I was)...unfortunately he was wide awake again :-)

Anyway, he slept for about 2 hours, so I quickly did the floors, called to make some dr. appts, finally had the guy come and estiate the cost to fix our roof over the porch, those normal things that I don't know how we ever got done when I worked full time.

Then Katie came over for an hour or so to visit before going off for her 10 year high school reunion, and Ann, Dave, Ethan and Logan came over and we had a great dinner with the kids. It's really nice having my sisters so close. The boys had a great time together.

Day 38

Tuesday was kind of a weird day. Zak didn't get enough good sleep. At around 8 he said he wanted to go to King's Island. I told him we could when it opened. But then by 9:30, he said no, he didn't want to go to King's Island, he wanted to stay home. The whole day he didn't want to do anything (pool, library, toy store)...he just wanted to stay home. I'm one of these people that always wants to be on the go, but I decided if he didn't want to be, then I guess it was ok. So we had a very lazy day, a little on the boring side.

I'm also not sure if my new Monday, Wednesday, Thursday schedule is working out as well as Mon, Tues, Thurs...but maybe I just need some time to get used to it. I feel like taking off already on Tuesday kind of breaks my stride. I had a lot of work on my mind Tuesday, which was probably also contributing to the feeling of not having the greatest of days.

On the other hand, going back through my notes (which I just jot down randomly throughout the day), he did crack me up quite a bit :-)

At one point, he took a gold pencil that his friend Chloe had given him. He came up to me and said "It's a magic wand" and then started waving it around in circles obviously trying to cast some kind of magic on me. At first I was shocked! But then I remembered they had a magician come to his daycare last week...so I quickly recovered and turned myself into a frog and started hopping around. I begged him to turn me back into a human, which he graciously did. But then for another 15 minutes he transformed me back and forth and insisted that I hop around at least a bit as a frog...my thighs were burning, geez I'm out of shape :-)

He has a Little Einstein globe that we were playing with, finding different parts of the world. He saw the Eiffel Tower on France and started exlaiming "King's Island! King's Island! With Ethan and Logan!" I tried to explain to him that King's Island's tower is a small version of the Eiffel tower, but I don't think he was listening. He was already imagining going up in the tower again with Ethan and Logan.

Dana called at some point during the day, she has a special ring tone...immediately Zak said "Dana's calling!" He's so observant. Dana and I finally got pedicures a couple of weeks ago...and I got a flower painted on my nails. Zak insists that now my toes look like Dana's toes, because she had a flower last time. We were at Michael's Crafts, he saw a small pig with flowers on it and wanted to buy it for Aunt Dana. I can't believe he associates flowers with Dana now because her toenails had flowers on them before mine.

Anyway, in the afternoon, since we were just hanging at home anyway, I decided to try to make a new enchilada recipe that my friend gave me. Zak helped and they turned out great! Then Aunt Katie joined us after work so Kuba and I could play some tennis.

Anyway, I didn't feel it was the best day, but maybe I just need to learn to relax and not have to be on the go all the time. I also think Zak was fighting some kind of sickness, because he was a little lazier than normal as well...so it was probably good that we could just take a day to fight it off. I'm hoping we have a more active day today though :-)

Day 37

Today was so much better than the last two weeks. I think Zak could sense it from the start. Kuba and I had some coffee together, Zak was sleeping in, so I decided to wait on breakfast for him. I think Zak does have a radar sense when it comes to me working though, I was just about to head up to my office to do a little email when he woke up (about 8). He didn't have to come searching for me in the yard. I wasn't immediately rushing him to eat breakfast so we could get to some appointment. He came out and climbed into my lap and we sat and rocked in the rocker for 30 minutes or so until he was completely awake. We read a couple of books, had some milk, then he took a bubble bath and I took a shower. We slowly made some breakfast (waffles), he helped me with the dishwasher and fold a basket of clothes (well, he played in the basket of clothes while I took things out around him).

Then we got on the bikes and went to the library. They were having story time, which he usually doesn't like, but after a few minutes he decided to join in some of the songs. One little baby, he was probably 1.5 years old, really took a liking to Zak. He came right up in his face and was just looking at him. Zak just let him look. Then the baby start touching Zak's ears, eyes, nose, etc, etc Zak just let him. He closed his eyes when he wanted to touch his eyes, said nose or ear when he touched his nose or ear. It was very sweet. On the way out, when I was lifting Zak up into his bike seat, I said "Super Baby flying up in the air". He said, "No Mommy! I'm not a baby! I'm a BOY." Sigh.


My friend Sanja came over for lunch, and straight after Zak took his pillow to bed to lay down. I laid with him for a few minutes, then got up to do the lunch dishes and another load of laundry. I was about to start making the phone calls I need to make (porch repair, deed questions, etc)...and then decided, no, I'm going to go take a nap with Zak. Such a good nap! He woke up a few minutes after I laid down and smiled. I cherish these times.
And now Zak is still sleeping (3 hours!) I think we wore him out these last couple of weeks, staying up late working on the yard.

Ahh, he's up! Now off to King's Island with Tato!

Days 33-36

Well, well. I've been rather lazy, and I'm sorry for that. Actually, It's not really lazy, we decided to take on a rather large home improvement project...we installed an automatic sprinkler/irrigation system on our own. that meant lots of digging, trenching, plumbing, electrical work, shovelling dirt back over trenches, re-seeding the yard, adding straw, etc. etc. etc. Mostly it meant lots and lots of mud and dirt tracked through the house for the past 3 weeks.

Anyway, on all my days with Zak, if we weren't doing something together, then I was out in the yard trying to do at least a little to help move the project along. Especially this last week in covering up the trenches. And it was HOT! Over 100 degrees with the heat index on many days...but I enjoyed it.

I must admit though that I didn't spend as much time as I should have with Zak on those days. I kept trying to convince him to play with his diggers and shovels and help me...but he wasn't so interested (who can blame him...he didn't even want to be outside in this heat!) I remember someone posted on facebook to me early on...be careful April, don't let one type of work slip into another type of work. So while I think it was ok for a few weeks, definitely I'm happy to have this project over so we can do more fun things again. I must admit, I struggle a bit with knowing how much I should expect us to do together that is productive (ie, cleaning up his toys, doing dishes, laundry, etc) vs fun stuff (ie King's Island, the pool, the park, the library). Yet another balance to get right :-)

Right now I DO feel like generally I've got my balance right. I'm energized for work, I'm energized at home. The only thing I still haven't managed to do is get my personal time figured out. I've got days for work, days for Zak, and days for the family...but I still only manage a couple hours a week for tennis or exercise. I'm hoping now that we've got that irrigation project done I can get back to it.

Even with the project, we did manage to have some fun! And Zak is just hilarious now. We now do time-outs on the stairs if he's doing something unacceptable. Last week he did something, I can't even remember what, and I asked, "Zak, why did you do that?" He said "Sorry Mommy, I go sit on the stairs." Ahh.

He also is very sweet to all animals...and bugs. We saw a worm the other day outside a restaurant. A long, 3 inch one. I stopped to show it to him. He said "Ahh, he's going home." And then he reached down and petted it. Then he wanted me to pet him. Ugh. He also found a lady bug in his room last week. He knows to pick them up and take them outside, but on his way, he brought it to me and said "Mommy, ladybug needs a kiss." Oh geez. So I pretended to kiss it and we put it outside.

We were coloring on Friday, a Thomas the Train book. I thought I was coloring Thomas, so I made it blue. It was mostly the front of him, so I couldn't see the clear number 1, which would have told me it was Thomas. Anyway, as I was coloring, Zak calmly told me this was Percy, but I could color him blue if I wanted. I read the story next to it, and sure enough, it was Percy. I have no idea how he can tell this stuff.

The last thing I'll share from these last two weeks, because I'm not sure how to think of it. While we were busy working in the yard one day...Zak kind of "adopted" 4 large rocks. They become his friends, and he would trike ike up and down the driveway with them. He'd pick them all up carefully, put them in the basket, get to the end of the driveway, take them each out...and talk to each of them. "Ok guys, now we're going to eat something" or "ok guys, time to go to work." It made me kind of sad, thinking of him being alone and needing to make up fake friends. I hope this is normal...I need to do some researh.

Oh! And we got some pictures made! It was really great. Since Zak and I had the day off, we scheduled the photographer to meet us down at P&G so that Kuba could come down and join us. They turned out great!
http://www.kencrites.com/People/Cielica/13012724_FdDRZ#942002712_HXKi8

Day 32

And we are better today!!! I ended up with a 4 day weekend because I have Fridays off, and our 4th of July holiday was Monday. Monday was the turning point for Zak. He only woke up once Sunday night, was in a good mood Sunday morning, and at around 12:30, he asked to take his nap. Wow! He slept in his bed for about 1.5 hours, got up to go to the bathroom, then went back to bed for another 2.5 hours! He was so smiley after that and didn't complain about his mouth at all. He went to bed at the normal time on Monday night and slept through the night. So we are in a much better place.

This weekend we started a major house project of trying to install an irrigation system...and we accidentally cut our phone line...so we were without internet for a couple days. Unfortunately, they gave us an ETA of 8:30-12:30 this morning to fix it. At least I didn't have to take off work for it (can't work from home without internet!) but still, it kept Zak and I tied to the house during the best part of the day.

We cleaned a bit this morning, he vacuumed while I cleaned the bathrooms. We also made up a new game where we sit on our rug and act like we are on a flying carpet gone crazy...so we accidentally say the word up, it jerks us up and we fall backwards. Same thing for left and right.

He's definitely reached a new level of conginition over the last couple of weeks. He's forming complete sentences with prepositions and articles, etc. He told me "I don't like Tato's pillow because it has feathers." I was impressed with the sentence construction :-) Aunt Katie came over for lunch and when she left, he said, "Aunt Katie has to go back to work." I know I'm silly, but it's cute to see him learn.

The other thing he did today is he went up to our map on the wall, and he said...A! A for April! I don't think I realized he knew my real name! He proceeded to show me T for Tato and E for Ethan. Then we learned a few new ones...L for Logan, M for Maya, etc.

Anyway, he's napping now. When he wakes up, we'll probably go to the pool or King's Island water park. I can't wait for him to wake up!

Day 31

We kept Zak home from school on Thursday for fear he might have the hand, foot and mouth disease. Kuba stayed home with him, which made it very easy on me work-wise. But poor Zak drooled through 3 shirts during the day.

The doctor said it wasn't hand, foot and mouth...but just very bad cold sores. He said that when children first get cold sores, they often get them throughout their whole mouth because they just don't have any build up to fight them. Poor Zak. He doesn't know what's going on. All his favorite foods and drinks hurt really bad.

He keeps saying he has boo boos in his mouth and wants me to kiss them. I can't help but smile at that. He absolutely hates the Orajel that I put on them...but usually feels better for a bit afterward when I manage to get it applied.

Friday I just took the approach of trying to keep him as busy as possible to keep his mind off them. Dana and Rowan helped with that. We went to the park in the morning, then met my friend Mitch for lunch. After lunch, Zak just wouldn't sleep for longer than 15 minutes unless he was in my arms, and I really wanted him to sleep. So we rocked in the rocking chair for 2 and a half hours (I had to go to the bathroom so bad at the end!) At least he got some rest.

We had planned a date night Friday night with Dana and Matt. We were going to try out this new "night time day care" in Montgomery...we thought the boys might have fun doing it together actually, but with Zak's mouth, and Rowan was actually showing signs of not feeling well either...we left the men at home with the boys and Dana and I went out for a couple hours. A friend of mine had this really cool idea to showcase 40 of her husband's best photographs (he does photography as a hobby now...but has won several contests) at our local art gallery. So the art gallery was closed except for her party and we got to see his pictures. It was really, really nice. Then we took my friend from Poland, Lukasz, to Mt. Adams and had a drink. It was a nice evening.

But Zak still couldn't sleep well last night. About every 2 hours he woke up, probably from the drool on his pillow, and complained about the boo boos in his mouth. The one I can see is definitely getting better though, so we're on the right path. Lack of sleep makes me grumpy for sure...I don't know how I did it those first few months back to work when I was still breast feeding!

Anyway, I'm grateful I had Wednesday and Friday off last week so I could take care of him.

Day 30

Last night I had a work dinner which was lots of fun. It was a going away dinner from some of my colleagues in my current role. It was extremely relaxing and fun, but before we knew it, it was 10 o'clock! I got home and surprisingly, Zak was still awake (barely), and Kuba was asleep. Zak was desperately trying to keep his eyes open and was playing movies on his iPhone. I came to give him a kiss and take away his iPhone. He said "My Mommy" and then turned over and went to sleep.

But it was a bad night. At midnight he woke up crying and it seemed his stomach was hurting him. He wanted to go to the bathroom. His stomach was really hot (is that strange?) He had a 100 fever, so was clearly trying to fight something. He woke up about every 30 minutes after that with the same routine, and finally at around 4 quit waking up. But he insisted on getting up early this morning and clearly didn't get enough sleep (and neither did I.)

We had planned for Chloe to come over today and for us to go to Kings Island. Zak seemed to be doing better, so we went ahead and went...but he was melting down almost as soon as we were there. Everytime he had to wait for more than 2 minutes for a ride, he started crying "Zakie's turn, Zakie's turn." By the end he was almost throwing tantrums whenever he had to wait...so we had to leave. Poor Chloe.

We got some Skyline for lunch, and Zak was almost asleep in the car when we got home. I took him to bed and he started throwing a tantrum again. It took me 30 minutes to get him to sleep....I know he absolutely needed to sleep, but I hate fighting with him. :-( He woke up every 20 minutes or so for about 2 hours, crying, wanting to get up, but not wanting to get up. He's definitely not himself.

He finally did get up, but he's been on and off crying ever since. He cries if the computer is too slow. He cried when Wow wow wubbzy came on because he didn't want to watch it (I don't blame him!), he cried that I picked the wrong juice out of the refrigerator, etc, etc. He says he's got boo, boos in his mouth, so I'm starting to suspect this hand, foot and mouth disease. Luckily it doesn't really seem all that bad, just a couple of days to run its course.

Luckily we got him to bed at 7:30 tonight. We gently brushed his teeth, put cole sore medicine in his mouth, gave him some Tylenol. Oops, he just came to the door of the bedroom and said "Mommy I'm sick. " :-( Time to go hold my baby...

Day 29

We had a very fun day on Friday. I keep asking Zak how old he is, and he keeps saying he's 2. Wen I say, no, now you are 3, he says, no...I'm 2. Uncle Cad says if he's lying about his age already, he's probably destined to live in Los Angeles. :-)

We took our bikes up to the Dr.'s office for his 3 year check-up. He has a very good memory....and unfortunately he doesn't have fond memories of the dr.'s office, which he assoicates with shots. So he clung to me the whole time. To get his weight I actually had to stand with him on the scale and then again without him because he refused to stand on it alone. A good reminder that I should be on a diet :-P

Anyway, everything checked out fine. He's at 88% for height, 50% for weight...and one inch from getting to ride the next level of rides at King's Island :-) He's 39 inches tall.

On the way back, we stopped at the park and played for 45 minutes. There were 2 very sweet girls there, one 8 and one 5, who adopted Zak and helped him across the monkey bars and such. It was very nice.

Then Aunt Katie came over for lunch, and by 12:30, both Zak and I were asleep for our naps. I slept for 2 hours, Zak for 2.5 hours! We were tired.

After that, we went up to the party store and Zak picked out 3 balloons for his birthday party. He picked a fire truck balloon, a bull dozer ballon, and a giant fish balloon. He carried them around the house for a good half an hour after we got home. By then, the day was over. We packed up and met Kuba down at Hooligan's for some volleyball. Zak LOVED the volleyball...he didn't like having to sit on the sidelines while I was playing.

Anyway, it was a good day.

Day 28

Well, today is supposed to be about last Friday, and it was a great day, but I just don't feel I can talk about Friday without mentioning my colleague Olga, and her beautiful son. I mentioned them before. Her 8 year old son has been fighting cancer for the last 8 months. He passed away on Sunday. Olga told me they had an awesome Saturday together as a family. She told me that if the story had to end this way, it was the best possible way it could have ended. They all got to say their last words to him, have him close, and he was in almost no pain. She is positive they have a little angel watching over them now. I truly hope so.

Olga and her family are the reason I started considering a part time option for awhile. They have taught me that time is not something we can take for granted. Every day is a gift.

So for today, my thoughts and prayers are with Olga and her family. And as I'm celebrating Zak's 3rd birthday, I'll think of them and be grateful for the time I have, not only with him, but with Kuba...and all my family and friends. I hope you all do the same.

Day 25, 26 and 27

Well, day 25 was the Friday before I left for Geneva. It seems a long time ago. I've been telling people I'd lost my mojo for awhile, but I think I finally have it back today. :-)

I can finally put on here that I'm getting a new assignment at work. I didn't want to say until it was official, because I know too many people from work read this :-) Anyway, it's a great assignment, working directly with one of the presidents. It's been tailored to my 60% work week, so it just re-enforces for me that making these types of life decisions is very doable. We all too often use our careers as an excuse not to make tough decisions. Right now I feel my career is completely in my hands. I'm nervous and excited...exactly the way I should feel.

Of course doing a transition on a 60% schedule isn't easy. The reason I was in Geneva was to get grounded in the new role. It basically meant I was working 20x6, and it took its toll. I came home and thought I'd be able to just jump back in after a restful weekend...but as usual wasn't able to shut off. I had so much I wanted to do for my new role, and so much to try to close out the old role. It's the usual balancing act of course, I just underestimated the time I would need to get caught up. My calendar at work was again completely insane because of peoples' meetings being pushed back by a week. I spent this whole week with no more than 30 minutes free each day from meetings. I know now something about myself, which is I can't turn off at night in that environment. I need at least 1-2 hours of think and organize time each day.

Side bar - Zak just locked RoboKwiecien into the bathroom. I have no idea why. I let her out, and he trapped her back in there again.

Anyway, Wednesday was a horrible day with Zak. He was a little sick, and so didn't want to do anything. (Want to go to the pool?, no, King's Island?, no, the park?, no, library? no) So we stayed home all day, but it wasn't really relaxing. I had this kind of cloud in my mind the whole day. Maybe from jet lag, maybe from thinking about work, or maybe I was getting a bit sick too. I did sneak a few emails into the day. By the evening I had a migraine that continued over into Thursday. We just sat around the whole day, not doing much. He also picked up some bad things from day care. At one point he said, "Look Mommy, I'm biting" and he bit his own arm. Kuba got 2 incident reports last week (that makes 7 total) of a kid at school biting Zak (apparently biting everyone.) Anyway, just not a great day, and it bled into Thursday. I cancelled all my non-essential meetings Thursday. Slept off the migraine in the morning (well, after my 7am meeting), went to 3 meetings in the afternoon, we were all in bed by about 8:30 Thursday evening, and I got up at 1:30am and worked for a couple hours to feel caught up again.

And today...I've got my mojo back :-) Zak and I slept in. Kuba was very nice to be extra quiet this morning. At about 7:30 Zak asked me to lay next to him on the couch, and we slept for another 30 minutes. We slowly got up, ate breakfast, and then decided to go to King's Island. SO FUN! We came home at about 1:30 so he could nap and get ready for our zoo trip tonight with my cousin Anita. Today was much better. We are like our old selves again :-) I guess we just needed a few days to adjust after the Geneva trip.

Day 24

It was so nice to have a day alone with Zak again. We had a long weekend with the family, which was great. But there is something about having a day with just Zak and I, and no expectations for anyone else.

At work, I'm finding that where as before, I planned for 1-2 weeks out, I now am constantly looking 3-4 weeks out. I guess that makes sense given that 3-4 weeks out is about the same amount of days as 1-2 weeks our for full timers :-P But, for example, I have a VP review coming up at the end of June, and I've already got the presentation outlined and circulating for feedback. I actually think this might make some things easier for people I work with. It gives them a lot more time to provide feedback. So, work-wise, I feel better and better.

There was another little adjustment I needed to think through. My insurance company wanted to schedule a meeting with me to review my policy as a follow-up to me questioning this year's rates. Good idea, but who to steal the time from? Dragging Zak to an insurance policy review did NOT sound like fun. But I also didn't want to take up any work time for it. I pushed them a bit...why can't we do over email? Phone? Do you make house calls? Finally we agreed to phone, and managed to do it in 15 minutes while Zak was napping. And...my premium went down by $600 annually without changing any coverage. Word to the wise...ASK from time to time if you are getting the best possible price. That is all I did, and they came prepared to this 15 minute meeting with the new prices. Live and learn. Anyway, it worked out well.

So now, to the important stuff, how did I spend the day with Zak? He actually slept in, so Tato was gone when he woke up. We made some waffles and decided to eat on the patio. As we were carrying the breakfast out, Zak stopped dead in his tracks at the back door and said "Wait. Where's Tato?" It made me smile. He understands now that we have to work, so I just explained Tato was at work, and he was fine.

The weather forecast for the afternoon was rain, so we headed out in the morning for a bike ride. I decided to bike to the fire house and see if they'd let Zak see the fire trucks. They were so nice! They showed him all the different trucks, let him get inside each of them, and gave him a fire hat. We spent about 30-45 minutes there, and of course he didn't want to leave. As we were biking back though, we saw some street construction going on. He loves all the equipment. We saw one machine, and he said "oo, look." I said "Yeah, big truck" since I have no idea what those different machines are. He said "Steamroller." Wow. After he said it, I knew he was right, but I have no idea where he learned it.


We made it home just before the rain. Then we headed to Costco to get some ingredients to bake some cookies in the afternoon, since he's been incessently talking about Grandma's cookies every since she gave some to us last week. While there, he found this pretty cool sand table like cousin Ethan has, and some Catepillar trucks. He was drooling and I couldn't help myself...so we bought them.

We met Auntie Sara for lunch at Chick-fil-A. It was a little difficult this time because Zak wanted to play on the playground, but also wanted us with him. Since they don't want food in the play area, that makes it a bit difficult. So not exactly the relaxing lunch we wanted, but that's ok, we're learning.


He napped straight after (with his new Catepillar trucks), and I put his sand table together. Forgot the darn sand. Had the quick insurance meeting, and then we hopped on the bike when he woke up to run up to K-Mart and buy some sand. Hauling 40 lbs of sand in the bike trailer + 30 lbs of Zak in the bike seat was NOT as easy as I thought it would be :-) But it did make me feel better about not getting to play tennis last weekend :-P

He loved his sand box, played with it for a solid hour. We made quite a mess. It has a water part to it too. So we took out the some of his pool toys (turtle and dolphins)...and put them in there, and had a blast pretending different scenarios. We even fed them some cashews (his idea!)

That evening at bed time, Zak decided he wanted to sleep in Babcia's bed. It's a queen size bed in our upstairs bedroom. We eventually want this to be his room, but for now, he calls it "Babcia's." I was delighted and said of course he could. About 30 minutes later, I hear him says "Mooommmmyy." Then he comes down the stairs and says "That bed is tooo big." :-)

A great day.

Day 22 and 23

Well, it was a fun-filled, crazy, hectic week. Work went well. Busy, busy...but learning how to turn off a bit faster. It's a little crazier than normal because of next week being a short week (2 days for me!) and the following week being in Geneva.

But most of the craziness of the week was my niece Maya being in town with us! It was so great that without rearranging anything at work, I was able to spend 2 full days with her. I must admit, it's really nice having my 2 sisters living in town. We were able to tag team the week and all of us got lots of time with Maya.

So on Wednesday I got a flavor for what it would be like to have 2 kids. We did pretty well. *Most* of the time, if one of them melted down, the other one seemed to act a bit older. On Saturday, they were both melting down...that was tough :-)

Wednesday we biked up to the library, had story time, then went to LaRosa's for lunch. Zak is at a stage where he wants to use the toilet every place we go. At some point, Zak wanted to go the restroom, so I had to pack up Maya too, and then of course I don't want to leave my wallet at the table...so it looks like we've run out of the place just to go to the bathroom :-) The bathroom is definitely hard with the two of them. By the time I get one set of hands washed, the other set is crawling around on the floor again.



Zak didn't want to leave LaRosa's, so I had this moment where I had to carry Zak out of the restaurant, and Maya was acting like such a big girl, holding my hand and walking out. As I said, most of the time, one of them would step up to be the "big kid" when the other was melting down. We came home and napped (managed to get them both down at the same time!) and we went to the park later. Again we had the toilet issue. But for the most part they had a lot of fun together. I did my best to wear them out ... and based on Maya's picture below, I think I succeeded :-)




Friday we went to Pump it Up again and met the grandparents there. I wasn't exactly sure if Maya would be old enough for it or not...but she LOVED IT! She quickly realized she could jump and fall without getting hurt, and so she was climbing and jumping everywhere. She and Zak wanted to go on the slides all by themselves. It was so fun. Most surprising was Grandma going down the slides too :-)




Later we went to King's Island. Maybe King's Island and Pump It Up was a bit much for one day, but we don't get to see Maya often, so I wanted to make the most of it! We only stayed for a couple hours. Season passes are great for that.


It was a tiring, yet very fulfilling week. Zak is talking incessently about his cousins, and I feel extremely honored that my brother trusted us to take care of Maya for the week. I think we all feel a bit closer now. I know Zak really enjoyed "taking care of" Maya.