Today started out great. I had some work stuff in my mind most of the night, but was able to push it to the back this morning.
We started by making breakfast as a family, sending Tato off to work, then hopping into a bubble bath (Zak) and hot shower (me). We picked out our clothes, which Zak absolutely has an opinion on now. Which reminds me of a story I forgot to blog about. The other day I picked out my clothes and put on some tennis shoes (Pumas)...apparently Zak didn't like those shoes. He went to my closet and picked out a pair of sandals, and insisted I put them on. Once they were on, he said "Nice, Mommy, nice." I figured he was just in an obstinent mood....so I asked him to check out Babcia's shoes, confident he'd make her change hers as well. She had on a pair of "ballerina" style tennis shoes. He checked them out, and proceeded to tell her "Nice Babcia, nice." I guess Babcia has better taste than me.
Anyway, it's a lot of fun picking out our clothes together and having him give his opinions. We then got the bikes out (I'm realizing I'm car adverse on my days with Zakie)...and rode up to KMart to buy some potting soil and pots so that we can finally plant the flowers Zak picked out last week. Babcia kept saying it was too cold for bikes (48)...but we just bundled up and went anyway. On the way back, with 25lbs of Zak + 25lbs of soil, I was sweating :-)
We then packed up to go visit Aunt Sara for lunch. It was a great lunch, and we got to talking. Something we both wondered about is, why is it only women with children who seem to make this type of decision. She herself feels her work balance is not where it should be to stay healthy. And look at my own family, Kuba and I, both work for the same company, both have the same options, yet Kuba has no interest in working 4 days a week to give another day to Zak or himself. It's just interesting. Almost everyone I know who has taken advantage of this type of benefit is a woman, with children. Hmm. Maybe everyone else can just handle it better than me :-)
I'm also realizing that the time of day that I blog probably affects a great deal the tone of my entry. Right now, Zak is napping, the sun is shining, I left work yesterday if not completely caught up, with a plan for how to catch up...in general I'm feeling pretty ok today.
This afternoon I'm hoping Zak and I finally plant those flowers. Then we might head out on the bikes again to the library. I'll let you know how we do :-)
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Shirin A. Vakharia: Interesting comment about men making the same decisions. I've supervised men and women and notice that women are the ones who take the day off when the child is sick, need to leave early for doctor's appt, stay home with the children when child care isn't available etc. My male employees with children tend not to make the same requests. Is it that... See More women think that its more acceptable for them to make these requests than for a man to make the request? Is it that the workplace is more tolerant of women's roles as mothers, do moms want to be in the primary parenting role and reluctant to share the responsibility with dads or are men not sharing the full responsibility of parenting? I only know women who has gone to a reduced work schedule to spend more time with their child(ren) --even when they make the same/similar amount as their spouses and are at similar levels in the organizational hierarchy.
ReplyDeleteAnother interesting thing for me, is that it's been some very honest testimonial from some very "successful" (in business terms) men that gave me pause and planted this seed in my mind. One especially, a vice-president just about to retire, and the inevitable "What was the biggest mistake of your career" question was asked as he was talking to a ... See Moregroup of us. He almost broke down when he replied not spending enough time with his family, and now his 18 yr old son doesn't even know or care to be with him. So I know some look back with regrets, so why wasn't he comfortable changing something sooner? I'm sure some of it is society, some of it is not knowing how to define your own version of success (I think this is VERY hard), and probably the lens of time makes things much clearer.
ReplyDeleteJames Frazier: I'm enjoying reading your blog. I'm lucky enough to work from home, so I'm able to take the kids to school in the mornings and pick them up from after school care. Angie and I split the duties. Since Angie owns her own business we also split taking time off if the kids are sick. There's more flexibility with working from home, so it may be ... See Moreeasier in my case, but there are some men who do take on more responsibility for their children than they used to. I can tell you that I'm a lot more involved than my dad ever was. I'd say Angie and I are pretty even with taking the kids to tennis and gymnastics, laundry, dishes, cooking, etc. It may change some for you when Zak is in school full time. It made a huge difference that Angie was a stay-at-home mom for the first 6 years of their lives. I always remember my mom being there growing up and I wouldn't have changed that for anything. You're definitely doing the right thing!
ReplyDeleteCool to have a conversation with my 2 best friends from high school :-) I agree more and more dads are splitting the responsibilities. I just wonder why more dads don't want to have their kids think about them they way they felt about their moms. Like you said, you remember so much your Mom being there in the beginning, were you jealous that Angie got to stay home instead of you, and got to build that initial foundation?
ReplyDeleteI think women talk about it more and you're exposed to it more. Men do take off (my neighbor across the street is a stay at home father) and another couple I know has a father doing the reduced work schedule and I myself took two months off to be a full time dad. It's very difficult as a father though, a bit ego, but also just more support for women who are at home. Mother's groups aren't quite as inviting for a Father.
ReplyDeleteI think we guys just need to start building the support network that has been in development since mothers started entering the workforce. Then you'll see more guys doing it.